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Solving your writing problems since 1998! |
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Strange Science...The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the 'most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.' Prepare to be enlightened...
A blizzard is when it snows sideways. A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population. A circle is a figure with no corners and only one side. A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is. A monsoon is a French gentleman. A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors. A scout (like most adults today) obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities. A student in a science class wrote, "The universe is a giant orgasm". At the end of the student's essay, the teacher riposted, "Your answer gives new meaning to the Big Bang Theory." A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot. All animals were here before mankind. The animals lived peacefully until mankind came along and made roads, houses, hotels, and condoms. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative. Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science. This procedure is called gross anatomy. Clouds are high flying fogs. Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do. Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it. For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration. For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor. For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat. Genetics explains why you look like your father and if you don't, why you should. Germinate: To become a naturalized German. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water. I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing. In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's. In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes. In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon. In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah. Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it. Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound. It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places. Lime is a green-tasting rock. Liter: A nest of young puppies. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat. Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil. Marie Curie did her research at the Sore Buns Institute in France. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away. Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state. One by-product of raising cattle is calves. One of the main causes of dust is janitors. Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky. Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail. Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration. Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot. Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers. South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners. The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana. The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other. The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u. The climate is hottest next to the Creator. The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours. The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. The future of "I give" is "I take." The general direction of the Alps is straight up. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes. The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down. The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader. The parts of speech are lungs and air. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums. The pistol of a flower is its only protection agenst insects. The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom. There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever. There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up here these days. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. Thunder is a rich source of loudness. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow. To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up. To prevent contraception: wear a condominium. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives. Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there. Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does. We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk. We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe. We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on. When oxygen combines with anything, heat is given off. This is known as constipation. When they broke open molecules, they found they were stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions. When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire. When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. Wind is like the air, only pushier. If this has brightened up your day, you may also like to learn about ... Would you like to take advantage of a FREE Online Writing Course?Learn how to improve your writing with these web-based lessons - and it's completely FREE. Click now to see what it's like. What is your favourite pop star doing right now? Click here to read all the latest news. FREE weekly Writing Tips click to subscribe now!
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