Greetings,

There's an ad screening on TV here at the moment, which finishes with the voice over, "Anyways, don't forget your ..."

'Anyways'?

'Any-flippin'-ways'?!

What has happened to the world?

So, this week, I thought it might be time to take a look at some unicorns - you know, words that simply don't exist (outside of the fevered imagination of some minds).

'Anyways' is up there at the top of the list - the word is "anyway" and it's an adverb that means 'in any case.'

"I thought I'd mention it anyway, just to see if you agreed."

It's not to be confused with the two separate words "any" and "way".

"The jig is up, any way you look at it!"

Next on my list of unicorns is 'irregardless' - the word is "regardless" and it's an adjective meaning 'taking no account of something.' ('irregardless' does appear in the dictionary as a 'humorous redundancy')

"The race is on, regardless of the weather."

The third unicorn on my Hit List is 'of' as in 'could of, should of, would of.' This is what happens when people rely on listening, instead of reading.

"He should've known it would rain when he planned a picnic."

"...should've ..." definitely sounds like "should of" - but it's really an abbreviation of the two words, "should" and "have."

While we're on the subject of little furry animals (well, who's to say unicorns aren't furry?) - our family home is now echoing to the patter of little feet - eight little feet to be exact - attached to two little Silky Terriers we got from the RSPCA pound yesterday. Last Tuesday, my mother (who won't mind me telling you that she's 82 ... I hope), moved into a granny flat we built for her and on Wednesday we picked up the Silkies - she'd been wanting a dog for company but couldn't have one where she was in her unit.

(It's a sad comment on our society that we had to pick them up before Easter, because the pound needed the space for all the pets that get dumped over any and every holiday period.) However, these little cuties have hit the jackpot - although we're still to introduce them to our family cat ... (I saw a great sign recently: "Dogs have masters; cats have staff." I think I know who'll be boss!)

And here are some things to make your grimace ...

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." -- Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker

"You guys line up alphabetically by height" -- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school." -- Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements

"I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class" -- George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." -- Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." -- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

"That place is too crowded. That's why nobody goes there anymore." -- Yogi Berra

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." -- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann

If you've just joined this group and any of the spelling worries you, please read this.

Your annual fee is now due for the year ahead. The amount payable is $200 and can be paid in the following ways:

• As a lump sum of $200
• In two half-yearly instalments of $100 each
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A Latin phrase for everyone who will be on the road, touring, over Easter:

Mihi da tabulum! (Give me the map!)

Regards,

Jennifer

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