26 February 2010

Emma Chisit

Greetings,

Chatting last week about shopping, I mentioned that the ham I first looked at was $2.98 a packet, and the thought struck me all over again about how mad our prices are. Of course, there's method in this madness, as we're about to discover ...

Once upon a time, Boys and Girls, the good people Down Under used to rattle pennies in their purses, and that was because we followed Mother England and had a currency that consisted of pounds, shillings and pence. There were 20 shillings in a pound and 12 pennies in a shilling, and growing up in the 50s, we also had half-pennies (ha'pennies).

There was an even smaller denomination of coin -- the farthing, which was half a half-penny, and even in my childhood, you'd occasionally come across a few of these, lying at the bottom of a drawer, squirreled away in the zipper pocket of a handbag or tucked down behind the cushions on Grandma's lounge ... So this isn't ancient history, it's living memory.

But, to continue with our lesson ... Each shilling could, therefore, be divided into 24 separate coins: half-pennies. And you could actually buy something with a ha'penny. Four chocolate-covered liquorice "bullets" cost a ha'penny. (They were 8 a penny, but kind shop-keepers would always let us make up a complex mix for the tuppence or thruppence we had to spend at the shop.)

When food and other items increased in price (very rarely), the increase would be in increments of half-pennies. Milk was 11 pence a pint for most of my childhood, increasing to 11 1/2 pennies (11 pence ha'penny) in my teens.

Our mothers carried around small purses containing a few coins to do their daily shopping (no freezers back then and not many fridges, so it was difficult to store food at home for longer than a couple of days), and children eagerly awaited visits from doting grandparents when they'd be given a tiny, shiny three-penny coin "to spend at the shop."

It was a perfect system that had worked well for a century or more, which was no doubt why some bright spark in government decided that we'd Go Decimal. (I have to admit that it is much easier to use, but it caused a great deal of angst in some circles, especially in some sections of the Older Generation who felt we should maintain all our ties to the Mother Country, as many still regarded England.)

The new system and currency were to be phased in, beginning officially on 14 February 1966, and it happened that I was still working in my holiday job at that time, so I had first-hand experience of the change-over. I worked in the lingerie department of a large store in one of the first shopping malls built out here, and we'd had numerous staff meetings explaining how we were to deal with two different sets of coins and notes.

It all went smoothly enough, once everyone managed to ignore the names on the notes and coins, and when we familiarised ourselves with the names of the new currency. I'd have fun each night at the dinner table, telling my parents odd little tales about customers and their difficulties in handling the dual notes. I'd been all in favour of the change -- having been convinced by my employers that it was a Jolly Good Thing, until my dad pointed out why it was that businesses embraced it so readily.

In pre-Decimal days, as I've explained, each shilling could be divided into 24, and when things increased in price, they increased in multiples of 1/24 of a shilling ... However, after Decimal currency was introduced, and we had our shiny new 10-cent coins to replace the old shilling, every time something increased in price, it went up in multiples of 1/10!

But even though the intellectuals mumbled about this windfall for businesses, we all did what people do everywhere -- we got on with life.

And then, in 1991, the decision was made to remove two of our coins from circulation. The 1 and 2 cent coins were deemed to be unviable and were gradually withdrawn from circulation, and you know what that means, don't you?

Right!

Prices now go up by a minimum of 5 cents, that's 1/2 of the original shilling value! And doesn't that make a mockery of prices such as $2.98 for our ham last week? No-one can pay 8 cents for anything any more ... it's either 5 cents or 10 cents.

And speaking of different currencies, as we were, you may find yourself needing to use symbols at some stage. Whereas once upon a time it was only the Beautiful People who needed to swap their kroners for their guilders or their rupees for their rials, the Internet has brought us all a lot closer, and now those of us among the Great Unwashed also need to know our liras from our bahts, which is why you'll thank me for this!

It's a list of currencies along with the different symbols used to denote each one, so if you need to write to your banker and tell him you need to exchange that spare 100,000 Euros or shekels, then you can simply copy and paste the appropriate symbol here.

No, Gosh ... don't thank me ... just send money ... any currency will do!

And did you hear that they're saying from next year we're going to have to start paying our taxes in gold? You know your money's bad when the people who print it don't want it!

For anyone wondering about the identity of our eponymous heroine, here's the story ...

Back in the Olden Days (1964 to be exact), an English writer by the name of Monica Dickens ... (Yes, she was related to Chuck ... his great-granddaughter, in fact) was visiting Down Under on a book tour. She'd been sent to a Sydney book shop to sign copies of her latest book, and the smile never left her face as she wrote poignant posts for purchasers.

The story goes that one woman handed her a book and said, "Emma Chisit." Monica Dickens smiled her smile, picked up her pen and wrote, "To Emma Chisit," then signed her own name with an authorly flourish.

The woman looked at the inscription, looked at the writer as you were able to look at a dim-witted person in those days, and said, very slowly (for she knew this writer was slow on the uptake), "No-o-o, emma chisit?"

Eventually an aide whispered in the writer's shell-pink ear that the woman had been talking Strine and had actually been asking "How much is it?"

Map of the World

And here are a couple of entries from Let Stalk Strine, a lexicon on modern Strine usage, compiled by that brilliant writer, Afferbeck Lauder:

Aorta (pronounced A-orta) is the vessel through which courses the life-blood of Strine public opinion. Aorta is a composite but non-existent Authority which is held responsible for practically everything unpleasant in the Strine way of life; for the punishment of criminals; for the weather; for the Bomb and the Pill; for all public
transport; and for all the manifold irritating trivia of everyday living.

Aorta comprises the Federal and State legislatures; local government councils; all public services; and even, it is now thought, Parents' and Citizens' Associations and the CSIRO.

Aorta is, in fact, the personification of the benevolently paternal welfare State to which all Strines -- being fiercely independent and individualistic -- appeal for help and comfort in moments of frustration and anguish. The following are typical examples of such appeals. They reveal the innate reasonableness and sense of justice which all Strines possess to such a marked degree:

"Aorta build another arber bridge. An aorta stop half of these cars from cummer ninner the city - so a feller can get twirkon time."

"Aorta have more buses. An aorta milkem smaller so they don't take up half the road. An aorta put more seats innem so you doan tefter stann all the time. An aorta have more room innem - you carn tardly move innem air so crairded. Aorta do something about it."

Dingo: When intoned with equal emphasis on the syllables it is the negative response to the question, "Jeggoda?"

As in: "Jeggoda the tennis?"

"Nar, dingo. Sorten TV."

Give up?

Translations to put you out of your misery follow the Latin phrase ...

This week's quiz:

See if you can match the currency with the country (and no peeking at the site above):

Indonesia, Korea, Malaysia, Panama, Uzbekistan, Vietnam, Poland, Guatemala, Hungary, Lebanon

1. dong

2. balboa

3. rupiah

4. quetzales

5. pounds

6. won

7. ringgits

8. sums

9. zlotych

10. forint

Here's a little story to tug at your heart strings ...

The local charity office realised that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the charity man mumbled, "Um ... No."

"Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheel chair?"

The stricken charity man began to stammer out an apology, but was cut off.

"Third, that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated charity man completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea ..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "... And if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

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Last week's quiz:

How familiar are you with the places we shop?

Match up the terms:

arcade, galleria, millinery, mall, kiosk, department store, haberdashery, charcuterie, mercery, patisserie

1. a large retail store carrying a wide variety of merchandise and organised into various departments for sales and administrative purposes - DEPARTMENT STORE

2. a glass-roofed mall or mall courtyard, derived from the European glass-vaulted Victorian-era shopping arcades, especially the design of the Vittorio Emanuele II (built 1867) in Milan, Italy - GALLERIA

3. a store where pork products, as hams, sausages, and pâtés are sold - CHARCUTERIE

4. a semi-permanent booth placed in pedestrian areas of a shopping centre and used to sell small items or to offer specific services, such as jewellery repair - KIOSK

5. a type of enclosed urban shopping centre popular in the 19th century, typically with an arched glass roof and two rows of shops either side of a pedestrian passageway, which often connected two parallel streets - ARCADE

6. a retail dealer in men's wear, as shirts, ties, gloves, socks, and hats; a dealer in small wares and notions - HABERDASHERY

7. a shop where pastry, esp. French pastry, is made and sold - PATISSERIE

8. shopping centre located within a city, the largest of which may be on several levels with adjacent multi-level parking - MALL

9. place where women's hats and other articles are made or sold - MILLINERY

10. where textile fabrics, especially silks, are sold ; dry-goods - MERCERY

And some things you may not know about money matters ...

The shortest measurable interval of time is that between when you put away some money for an emergency, and the arrival of the emergency.

A lottery is a tax on people who are bad at probability.

In order to get a loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

A Little Something Extra

An earlier chat about the origins of currency

If you're writing a work of fiction and setting it in different countries, you have to get your facts straight about basics such as the currency. Nothing turns off readers faster than laziness ... like reading that a character in Australia has bought a hamburger for 2 euros, or someone in India spent all his rupiahs ... Use this handy site as a reference ...Currencies of the world here

Currency abbreviations and symbols here

Currency codes here

Oxymoron of the week: cheap loan

Word of the week: Quaestuary (n) (person) in business for profit, or having profit as sole aim (Isn't that everybody?)

And a Latin phrase to use if you're involved in a financial discussion next week ...

Anates tuas in acie instrue

[ah-NAH-tays TOO-ahs EEN AH-kee-ay EEN-stroo-ay]

(Get your ducks in a row)

Strine Translation

"Aorta build another arber bridge. An aorta stop half of these cars from cummer ninner the city -- so a feller can get twirkon time."

They ought to build another Harbour Bridge. And they ought to stop half of these cars from coming into the city -- so a fellow can get to work on time."

"Aorta have more buses. An aorta milkem smaller so they don't take up half the road. An aorta put more seats innem so you doan tefter stann all the time. An aorta have more room innem - you carn tardly move innem air so crairded. Aorta do something about it."

They ought to have more buses. And they ought to make them smaller so they don't take up half the road. And they ought to put more seats in them so you don't have to stand all the time. And they ought to have more room in them -- you can hardly move in them they're so crowded. They ought to do something about it."

"Jeggoda the tennis?"

Did you go to the tennis?

"Nar, dingo. Sorten TV."

No, didn't go. Saw it on TV.

The writer of Let Stalk Strine (Let's Talk Australian) is Afferbeck Lauder (Alphabetical Order).

Did you know that you can have your very own Latin reminders? How about undies proclaiming, Bene est rex esse? (It's good to be king) Or a shopping bag that warns, Emptrix nata sum (Born to shop)? Click here for these and more: http://www.cafepress.com/write101 

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Kind regards,

Jennifer

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