Greetings,

Phew! We all survived the Big Day; no rioting in the streets, no ATMs spilling out squillions of dollars - not even the teeniest glitch. It was a bit of a fizzer all round really. Not that I'm complaining - give me the Simple Life every time!

It seems that there's more to the "third degree" than a couple of Hollywood cops - Brian, from Ontario, writes: "On January 10, I will be 23 years a (Free)mason. I'm also a 32 degree Mason, a Shriner, twice a Past Master (president) and currently the Master of my Lodge. I also have Past Grand Lodge Rank. Terrilynn is quite correct, although the explanation she offers is a bit simplistic. I don't have the time to explain all that is involved and the significance of the "3rd Degree" - and it also involves "Masonic secrets" and so forth. Three is a VERY important number in Masonry - besides the issue of the "degrees" - and I have a very long paper I did some time ago on its use in our fraternity."

You can see that this, too, is only a simplified version of what is no doubt a complex matter - but at least it gives us a little clue to the origins of this expression.

If all this discussion about the number three has whet your appetite and inspired you to get involved and start writing, you can get 2000 off to a great start by contacting Suzanne Lieurance, who runs a workshop called "Good Things Come In
Threes" for beginning children's writers at Coffeehouse For Writers.

He quotes Arthur Schopenhauer, who, in 1818 defined humour as, "the incongruity between a concept and the real object which it was designed to relate". Hartson continues, "As an example he (Schopenhauer) quoted the humorous riddle: 'What is the angle between a circle and its tangent?' which apparently never failed to have old Schopenhauer falling about helpless with laughter.

"Having defined 'Humour', we move on to the question of an individual's reaction to it. This we term 'laughter'. Laughter, wrote Immanuel Kant in 1790, 'is an affectation arising from a sudden transformation of strained expectation into nothing.'

"Laughter, according to J.M.Raulier (writing in 1900), 'consists of spasmodic contractions of the large and small zygomatic muscles and sudden relaxations of the diaphragm accompanied by contractions of the larynx and epiglottis.'

"The centuries of effort put into finding an acceptable definition of the topic of humour," continues Hartson, "have perhaps best been encapsulated by the contemporary philosopher and genius Mel Brooks, who explained succinctly: 'Tragedy is if I cut my finger. Comedy is if you walk into an open sewer and die.' "

What does all this illustrate?

That old maxim: it ain't what you say, it's the way that you say it!

Language can turn humour into something as dry as dust - if used incorrectly. Consider your audience and your purpose before you put pen to paper. No doubt the audience reading Kant, Schopenhauer or Raulier would have been expecting to see the topic dissected in this way - but far too many writers, writing for the general public, also write like this.

The whole reason for the existence of language is communication - to exchange ideas, thoughts and feelings with other people. Whenever you write, stop and check that what you've written can be understood by someone without your knowledge of the subject. You know what you mean ... but will we?

Match each word in the list with its SYNONYM (similar meaning) below:

Poignant, enigmatic, emancipation, derogatory, reticent, circumspect, insidious, vehement, harangue, harass

Passionate - VEHEMENT

Cautious - CIRCUMSPECT

Painful - POIGNANT

Treacherous - INSIDIOUS

Badger - HARRASS

Liberation - EMANCIPATION

Diatribe - HARANGUE

Disparaging - DEROGATORY

Taciturn - RETICENT

Puzzling -ENIGMATIC

Write one word for each of the definitions below:

Having several wives -

Having several husbands -

Having three angles -

Instrument for taking temperature -

Water-generated power -

A long-distance camera lens -

The study of the sounds of speech -

The story of one's own life -

Hater of other people -

A period of ten years -

If you're lucky enough to be on holidays still, then you'll have time to try this little test (also sent in by Leo).

(Hint: I nearly went batty trying these until I realised that the numbers are a vital part of each clue.)

This test does not measure intelligence or fluency with words, but rather mental flexibility and creativity. Few people solve more than half of the 24 questions on the first try; most report getting answers after the test has been set aside, at unexpected moments when their minds are relaxed.

Example: 16 = O. in a P. ----- 16 Ounces in a Pound

26 = L. of the A. ___________________________________

7 = W. of the A.W. ____________________________________

1001 = A.N. ____________________________________

12 = S. of the Z. ____________________________________

54 = C. in a D. (with J's) ___________________________________

9 = P. in the S. S. ____________________________________

88 = P.K. ____________________________________

13 = S. on the A.F. ____________________________________

32 = D.F. at which W.F. ____________________________________

18 = H. on a G.C. ____________________________________

90 = D. in a R.A. ____________________________________

200 = D. for P.G. in M. ____________________________________

8 = S. on a S.S. ____________________________________

3 = B.M. (S.H.T.R.) ____________________________________

4 = Q. in a G. ____________________________________

24 = H. in a D. ____________________________________

1 = W. on a U. ____________________________________

5 = D. in a Z.C. ____________________________________

57 = H.V. ____________________________________

11 = P. on a F.T. ____________________________________

1001 = W. that a P. is W. ____________________________________

29 = D in F. in L.Y. ____________________________________

64 = S. on a C. ____________________________________

40 = D. and N. of the G.F. ____________________________________

Don't worry, you'll get the answers next week ...

And a Latin phrase to start 2000:

Sed me docuisti tuam postero mense venturam esse! (But you told me your mother was coming next month!)

And because we ARE embarking on another year's adventure, you might be interested in one of my grandma's sayings: it's not how the wind blows that determines your direction - but how you set your sails.

Regards,

Jennifer

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