6 November 2009

Pioneer Tales ...

Greetings,

No doubt about it, we baby Boomers have been pioneers, haven't we?

We were the first to embrace Rock 'n Roll, the first to discover the birds and the bees (I can't use the right word here lest your email filters send this newsletter straight to Email Purgatory ... the Deleted Items folder!) and now we've been the first to recognise the delights of getting away from it all ... all of us ... all at the same time ... together ...

I know this because the Love of My Life and I have just returned from a short stay away in our recently acquired camper-trailer.

Yes, I know, while the rest of our friends are planning for their luxury boat cruises down the Danube, we're excited about heading off in our camper ... Oh well, horses for courses.

You may remember that we had a campervan some years ago, and we had lots of fun in that, but Life got in the way and we didn't have time to use it as much as we wanted so had to sell it. But since we've joined the ranks of the Great Unwashed, we're free to choof off as we please (once we've organised someone to come in and look after the Furry Ones who share our home, that is).

And so it was that last week, we packed all of Life's Essentials into the back of the trailer and headed north. We didn't go far, in fact our destination was Bribie Island, which we can see from the bottom of our street, but it was all about practising putting up the tent this time, so we wanted to spend our time playing rather than driving.

The fellow who sold us the rig (and I use this term loosely -- please disabuse yourself of any images that involve bigness, shininess or flashiness) told us that it would take about 15 minutes -- tops -- to set it up. And to prove this, he demonstrated the process, pulling off the cover, grabbing one end of the tent section and pulling it back whereby the rest of the tent obediently followed. He then tied down the corner ropes, pegged the floor of the tent and voilà! (Or, if you're that way inclined) Instant accommodation!

So, having driven less than an hour, we pulled into our campsite, positioned the trailer to take advantage of the view, unloaded the tent poles etc and, making a note of the time (10.35 am), started setting up. I remarked that it I'd put the kettle on for our morning tea in a few minutes and we'd have it sitting at our table under the awning attached to the tent.

Mmmm ... The words, "best-laid plans ... mice and men" have since been drumming through my head like a tattoo for reasons that will soon become apparent ...

We got the cover off with no trouble and also managed to pull on the right bits to make the tent unfold as it should, then it was up to me to dive into the tent and push up the tent poles to the correct height while the LoML held the whole structure upright before we tied down the corners.

So far, so good.

Where are the tent poles?

In the tent-pole bag, of course. So off I dash to fetch the poles, which are all, naturally, pushed down to their shortest length for transporting.

"Just unscrew the adjusters and push the poles up," says the LoML, as I struggle with the tent poles.

Right ... easier said than done. These screws have obviously not been loosened for some time and are very tight. So I drag them over and deposit them in an attractive pile at the LoML's feet. Then I have to take the weight of the tent as it strains to return to its resting place while he barely exerts himself and pops up all the tent poles and gives me one of "those" looks as he does it. Well, my wrists aren't as strong as his ...

OK ... Now we're in business. After we finally work out how those bits of wood on the end of the ropes work (isn't that a natty idea?) we get into a routine. He ties a fancy knot to slip over the pole, takes up the slack on the rope and then hammers the pegs into the ground, while my job is to follow and adjust the tension in the ropes so the whole thing stands straight and true and looks like the one in the picture.

All goes well until he pulls ahead of me and disappears around a corner of the tent. I continue with my task and then I hear tap-tap ... plop ... "Bloody thing!" Tap-tap ... plop ... "Bloody thing!" Tap-tap ... plop ... "Bloody thing!"

I can't stand the suspense, so have to leave my tent poles and ropes and peep around the corner where I spy the LoML as he taps a tent peg into the ground (tap-tap) then I watch mesmerised as the top of the rubber mallet flies through the air, marks a graceful parabola and lands just out of his reach (plop) and he stretches to pick it up and bang it back on the end of the handle ("Bloody thing!")

By now, morning-tea time has left us in its wake, so we set our sights on lunch instead.

But first it's time to put up the awning, and this necessitates a bit of a look at the instructions since we were told there's a knack to getting it right. And there is, because the middle ridge of the awning is out of reach of even the LoML ... and there was something about using the tent pole to hoist the awning into its correct position ...

OK ... Push! Lift! Hoist!

Uh-oh.

That's definitely not right.

Back to the instructions ... Ah! There are different sized poles and we had the wrong one ...

That's looks better!

So after much ado, we finally have our tent and awning set up, everything unpacked, the kettle on and chairs positioned to enjoy the view across to the mainland ... and it's only 12 o'clock!

Next time will be much easier, though, and there will be a next time, because this is not the sort of activity you become bored of quickly ...

Sorry ... just couldn't think of another way to draw attention to this latest abomination.

There are two prepositions that hang around with "bored" and they are "by" and "with."

You can be bored by a dreary speech you're forced to listen to at one of those inane, time-wasting "seminars" that many institutions force on their staff at regular intervals.

You can also be bored with the whole notion of having to smile and pretend interest in these events when what you really want to do is get on with your work.

But you really shouldn't be bored of anything!

The confusion may be explained by the similarity between "bore" and "tire" ... You can be tired of doing the dishes, but you can't be bored of doing them.

Thank you to member of our Merry Band, the enigmatic a.m., for suggesting this week's topic. Please feel free to suggest a topic for the newsletter (you can tell how desperate I am for inspiration some weeks!) Just click Reply on the newsletter to send me a message.

And a camping story for those who like to really rough it ...

A city boy was being led through the swamp by his cousin. "Is it true that a crocodile won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" he asked.

The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast you carry the flashlight."

And while we're still at the water's edge ...

Two men go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car and even a cabin in the woods ... they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed; one turns to the other and says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other man says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

Thank you to everyone who sent me comments last week about Humpty Dumpty, and to those of you who found time to drop by my Blog and have your tuppence worth on the Soap-Box. Here it is again if you still want to contribute a comment.  

This week's quiz:

How familiar are you with the camping fraternity?

Match up these terms:

denier, grommet, Dutch oven, guy rope, berth, anti-wicking, fly, mummy bag, tarp

1. temporary encampment, also refers to a one-person tent

2. used to securely attach the tent to the ground

3. a material (thread, webbing, or fabric) designed or treated to be water repellent

4. water-resistant, removable tent cover, which is spaced above and away from the tent to protect against the wind, rain, and condensation

5. metal eyelet used to reinforce holes, eg in the groundsheet where the tent pegs are pushed through

6. relatively large, cast-iron pot or chamber with a tight-fitting lid used for cooking over the coals

7. a large sheet of waterproof or water-repellent canvas, polyethylene, plastic (including PVC), and even cloth, usually with grommets at each corner and along each outer edge

8. term used to indicate the size or number of filaments or yarn; the higher the number, the heavier the yarn, the lower the number, the finer or sheerer the yarn R

9. number of people a tent can sleep

10. a hooded sleeping bag, which is tapered at both ends reducing air space within the bag and thereby conserving body heat

And a final word about camping ...

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon a great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing. At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.

Twenty years later, they met and travelled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!"

The other replied, "No, it's not!"

The first man said, "Yes, I recognise the clover growing on the bank on the other side."

To which the second man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by its clover."

Last week's quiz:

refer, perspicacious, sanguinary, fortuitous, abjure, perspicuous, fortunate, sanguine, adjure

1. refer to something indirectly or covertly - ALLUDE

2. request earnestly; to charge, bind or command earnestly and solemnly, often under oath or the threat of a penalty - ADJURE

3. happening by chance; accidental - FORTUITOUS

4. hopeful; optimistic; confident; (of complexion) reddish, ruddy - SANGUINE

5. having keen mental perception and understanding; discerning; having or showing insight; clear-sighted - PERSPICACIOUS

6. renounce; repudiate; to renounce or give up under oath; forswear; to avoid or shun - ABJURE

7. bloody; murderous; ready or eager to shed blood; bloodthirsty; composed of or marked with blood - SANGUINARY

8. lucky; receiving good from uncertain or unexpected sources - FORTUNATE

9. easily understood; lucid; when referring to a person, expressing things clearly - PERSPICUOUS

10. referring to something directly, by naming - REFER

A Little Something Extra

If you're going to go camping, why not make it a real adventure and pop Down Under to visit? (Or, you can use these places as settings for a story, ideas for an article ...)

Here are some great places to start planning your trip:

The Australian Government Tourism "Australian Experiences" containing details on seven Key Australian Experiences:

Aboriginal Australia
Aussie Coastal Lifestyle
Australian Major Cities
Australian Journeys
Food and Wine
Nature in Australia
Outback Australia

Here

Plan your Aussie Walkabout here at the Australian tourism site here

If you come to visit, we don't want you to get hurt, so here are some safety tips you may need (these could also be the basis for a couple of good plots  -- saltwater crocodiles make excellent villains!) 

Or find out about our most southerly territory ... Antarctica!

Word of the week: Acnestis (n) Here's a wonderful word for special occasions, and it needs a bit of discussion ... The acnestis is "that part of the spine in quadrupeds which extends from the metaphrenon, between the shoulder blades, to the loins, which the animal cannot reach to scratch; part of an animal's skin (and that includes us) that it cannot reach to scratch itself -- usually the space between the shoulder blades."

Bill Long, in his discussion of words form the OED explains, "Acnestis is a very rare noun, even though the notion that it points to is humorous and very common. Derived from two Greek letters/words, the alpha privative (meaning "not") and knestos (meaning "scratched"; the verb underlying this is knaein, meaning to "scratch, scrape"), the Greek word aknestis means "the spine" or "backbone," i.e., that part of the back that cannot be scratched. Thus, acnestis is that part of the spine in quadrupeds which can't be reached to scratch. Just as "gnaw" is onomatopoetic for the way we chew with our teeth, so I think knaein is onomatopoetic for the sound made by scratching ourselves with paws/fingernails. Even though acnestis thus creates such a beautiful picture for us, it isn't well formed or easy to pronounce, and thus will not "make it" in the 21st century." (Source)

The word comes from the Greek a- (negative prefix) and knestos (scratched)

Oxymoron of the week: luxury camping (not really an oxymoron these days!)

And a Latin phrase for those of you who feel the urge to emulate us ...

Quid fiat si hoc rudentem vellam?

[KWEED FEE-aht SEE HOHK roo-DAYN-taym WAY-lahm?]

(What happens if I pull on this rope?)

Did you know that you can have your very own Latin reminders? How about undies proclaiming, Bene est rex esse? (It's good to be king) Or a shopping bag that warns, Emptrix nata sum (Born to shop)? Click here for these and more: http://www.cafepress.com/write101 

Kind regards,

Jennifer

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Copyright  Jennifer Stewart  2009

Individual articles copyrighted by their authors.