11 September 2009

Not in Polite Company!

Greetings,

Take my hand, gentle reader, because today we're hopping into our trusty Time Machine to hurtle back through the decades to the mid 1950s.

All strapped in?

Then off we go ...

(Insert your favourite time-travelling sound effects.)

And here we are ... crouching in the comforting depths of our family chook-house in the back garden of my parents' home. We're cosy and safe, but you'll  have to squish over a tad, because I have my arm around the soft, feathery body of one poultry playmate, while I nurse another on my lap. Breathe in that lovely smell of fresh straw and warm chooks. Yes, that's better.

We've taken refuge here this particular day in 1953, because I wanted (no, needed) to get away from my two cousins who were visiting us and had ganged up on me as they always did. Even at this tender age, I was a great believer in the old adage that discretion is the better part of valour, so rather than engage my tormentors (two girls, daughters of two of my mother's older sisters, both around the same age as each other but a couple of years older than me) I hid in the chook-house.

Despite the searing temperature on this hot, Aussie summer's day, we're cool here, shaded by the massive Mulberry tree that covers the bottom quarter of our backyard, and we can hear the gentle plop plop as berry after berry is dislodged by one of the many birds feeding above us.

But my anger hasn't completely cooled yet, so if you'll put your hands over your ears for a moment, I'll get on with the rest of my chook-house ritual ... saying naughty words. I start softly, whispering it to myself, then building into a shout: "bum ... bum ... bum ... BUM ... BUM ... BUM!" It's the absolute worst word I know at this age, and I know my parents would be horrified to hear it issue from the innocent lips of their only child, which only adds to the guilty satisfaction of saying it.

Calm restored, the young me can now wander back up to the house where my cousins are no doubt ransacking my doll's house and rearranging all the furniture as is their wont whenever they visit.

However, we must leave this idyllic scene and climb back aboard our Time Machine, because we're heading into the mid-60s this time.

We're at university now, and I've just collected a copy of the student newspaper, Honi Soit (which takes its name from the Old French motto of many British regiments: Honi soit qui mal y pense -- "Evil be to him who evil thinks").

1965 is a peak year for University protests against the war in Vietnam, and Honi Soit usually carries a headline story about the issue of conscription or some other aspect of the country's involvement -- this particular week is no exception. So, with my copy of the paper prominently displayed, I start on my journey homeward. This entails a bus trip (or a long walk to the railway station), a train trip of around an hour, then a walk from the station to home.

Throughout this journey, the headline is continually on show ... as I read the paper in the train or as I carry it on top of the large folder I use for my notes. (And lest you have some image of a long-haired, scruffy uni student wearing a hippy dress and sandals, I feel I should explain that I didn't fit that mould at all. I used to make my own clothes in those days, always from Vogue patterns, and the design of choice was invariably something similar to a dress or suit that Audrey Hepburn had worn in her latest movie.  Please keep that lady-like image in mind as we approach the denouement of our tale ...)

Arriving home, I drop the paper on the kitchen bench as I pass so my dad can read it. (I was the first in our family to study at University, and my father loved to hear about all my lectures and what happened on campus.) Wandering back into the kitchen a few minutes later, I'm surprised at the silence in the room. There's my mother, standing at the stove, head down and very engrossed in whatever is for dinner, and there's my father, sitting at the table staring at Honi Soit and its headline about the Vietnam War.

"What's this?" asks Dad.

"Today's Honi," I reply, as I peek over my mum's shoulder to see just what is so absorbing in the pot.

Looking very uncomfortable, Dad picks up the paper and gestures towards the headline, "Do you know what this word means?" he asks.

"No-o-o," I say, "I thought it was probably a Vietnamese word, because I've never come across it before ... Why?"

The word in question, boys and girls, was indeed one I'd never come across before, but it most definitely wasn't a Vietnamese word. It was the word that Patricia O'Conner, in her latest book, cleverly titled Origins of the Specious, discusses in her chapter on "Lex Education" when she writes, "You C_nt Say That."

How times have changed, eh?

Turn on the telly these days, pick up a novel, walk past a group of teenagers, and you'll come across "that" word time and time again.

I won't tell you about the misconceptions related to its origins here, simply because if I tried to your Nanny filters would have an attack of the vapours and send this week's newsletter straight to Hell, and we can't have that!

The best thing is for you to get a copy of Pat's book yourself, then you'll be able to browse many of the "Myths and Misconceptions of the English Language," but I'm sure Pat won't mind if I give you just a little taste of some of these myths ...

We all have our little foibles, and this is what makes us interesting, but do you know where this word comes from?

It's actually a French term from the world of fencing. (No, not that fencing. Not putting up a wire fence in the back paddock to keep the kangaroos out of the veggie patch, but the sort of fencing you do with swords drawn.) Pat tells us, " ... you parry with the "forte" (the strong part of the blade near the hilt) against your opponent's "foible" ( the weak part near the tip)." So foibles are weaknesses or little flaws in our characters.

This fencing business gives us another expression that you've probably spotted already ... "forte" used to describe "a strong point or specialty," and Pat has something to say on the correct way to pronounce this word.

I know you were probably on tenderhooks waiting for me to get to the point before ... Aha! There's a term that many people think they know but get wrong every time.

Pat explains that "in the 1400s, tenterhooks were nails or pointed, L-shaped hooks set along the edges of a wooden frame (called a "tenter") for stretching or drying newly woven woollen cloth." And now, we use the expression tenterhooks (not tenderhooks) to describe those times when our nerves feel stretched taut, when we're tense or waiting in suspense.

Latin lovers ... (No, no, not the hot-blooded ones with those swarthy good looks and come-to-bed eyes ... Tch tch ... What's gotten into you today?) Those of us who love Latin ... (better?) will enjoy the Origin of the Specious, because it clears up some mysteries about our English spelling and lays the blame firmly at the door of our Roman cousins.

F'r instance, those infernal silent letters that Pat says, " ... confound us ... and make scores of English spellings such a torture." It seems they all came about because scholars wanted English words to reflect their Latin origins, so these "interfering scribes and Latinist busybodies" whacked in an extra letter wherever they thought a word needed to acknowledge its Latin roots.

One example Pat cites is "subtle," originally spelt (or, if you prefer, spelled) "sutil" to reflect its origins from the French word "sutil." (Duh ...) But then someone decided it owed more to the Latin subtilis (meaning "finely woven") so they plonked in that annoying "b" and we were stuck with it. (As with many of our words, this one took the long way round ... beginning as the Latin "subtilis" then heading to Old French to become "sutil" then into Middle English as "sotil" then to an all new, tap-dancing version for Modern English!)

This book is a t'riffic read for all of us who love words. And I know you'll be able to use dozens of the stories to fill those embarrassing silences at parties, while standing in queues at the bank or in tender moments with loved ones: "Oooh ... Ahhh ... More ... More ... Mmmm ... And did you know, my little cabbage, that the tiny hairless space between your eyebrows is called a glabella?"

Perhaps not.

Read more about Origins of the Specious now.

Since we're enjoying words so much, how about we pay another visit to some of my favourite word-plays?

"I'm wearing a ribbon round my arm," said Tom with abandon.

"There seems to be at least one blood-sucking insect in every outhouse," said Tom aloofly.

"This boat is leaking," said Tom balefully.

These are examples of Tom Swifties ... puns that take their name from the character created by writer, Edward L. Stratemeyer, who had a penchant for adverbs. His stories, based around the character, Tom Swift, were awash with adverbs ... Tom never just said anything. It was always "Tom said eagerly" or "Tom said happily/sadly/menacingly." There are a number of different styles of the Tom Swifty, but all rely on puns for their humour.

Here's another: "The doctor had to remove my left ventricle," said Tom half-heartedly.

Tom Swifties don't always have to have an adverb to carry the pun, sometimes it can be a short phrase:

"This is the real male goose," said Tom producing the propaganda.

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

This week's Little Something Extra has more on Tom Swifties, battle regiments of Her Majesty's Army and then some!

And something to ponder ...

Q: What do Attila the Hun and Winnie the Poo have in common?

A: The same middle name

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This week's quiz:

I made passing mention of my poultry playmates this week and had to settle for the word "poultry," when what I was really after was one of those -ine words that abound to describe every living creature (apart from chooks it seems). See how many you recognise (and there are no prizes for knowing the suffix -ine!)

murine, cervine, larine, ursine, ranine, strigine, pardine, hircine, anserine, pavonine

1. of or pertaining to owls

2. characteristic of or resembling a gull

3. of or pertaining to a leopard

4. belonging or pertaining to the family of rodents that includes the mice and rats

5. resembling a goose; gooselike

6. of, like or pertaining to a deer

7. of or like a peacock

8. of, pertaining to or resembling a goat

9. relating to or characteristic of frogs

10. relating to or characteristic of a bear

Oh dear ... all this concentrating on -ine words has sent my tiny mind into conniptions, maybe l need help ...

During a visit to the mental asylum, the man asked the Director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised."

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the man, "a normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the Director, "a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Last week's quiz:

For all you tea-drinkers out there ...

souchong, tisane, Darjeeling, pekoe, oolong, billy, lapsang souchong, gongfu, Earl Grey, chai

1. Tea grown in mountainous area around the Himalayas, of India; generally black teas are well known for their crisp astringency - DARJEELING

2. term for large leaf teas derived from the third and fourth leaf of the tea shoot - SOUCHONG

3. meaning performed with care, this typically refers to a style of brewing with many repeated short infusions of leaf in a miniature pot - GONGFU

4.form of tea characterised by lighter brews and larger leaf styles. This tea is typically understood as a lightly fermented tea, between green and black tea on a continuum - OOLONG

5. derived from baihao, the white hairs of the new buds on the tea shrub, this term currently refers to the smaller-size grade of whole leaf teas - PEKOE

6. black tea that is scented with the essential oil of bergamot, a citrus - EARL GREY

7. teas produced from the leaves of plants other than the tea plant, herbal tea - TISANE

8. spiced tea, a strong black tea infused with milk, sugar and spices - CHAI

9. Chinese black tea which is fired (dried) over a smoky (pine wood) fire to impart its characteristic smoky flavour - LAPSANG SOUCHONG

10. Australian term referring to tin pot with wire handle to suspend over an open fire in which tea is boiled - BILLY

And I have to bow to the superior knowledge of member of our Merry Band, Eileen Clark, who wrote to explain, "In the quiz, you use the term ‘... oil of bergamot, a citrus’   Is the comma implying that bergamot is a member of the citrus family? I beg to differ (having grown it once). It is a herb (similar to an umbilliferous weed, no less, as Ogden Nash once said). I think you are confusing Earl Grey tea (flavoured with bergamot), with the newer Lady Grey tea, which has bergamot and lemon."

A Little Something Extra

Origins of the Specious

Battle Honours and Traditions of the British Army here

All about the Tom Swifty here

Word of the week: Find cuisine -- to create a fine meal using random items around the kitchen. This includes never before used spices and the culmination of three different pasta noodles and a can of diced tomatoes thus creating the pasta stew mess. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/?page=5)

Oxymoron of the week: This one is for those of you planning a trip soon: airline schedule (You can laugh now.)

Our Latin phrase is one you should keep in mind each week as my next rambling story appears ...

Poli, poli, di umbuendo

[POH-lee POH-lee DEE oom-BOO-ayn-doh]