Can you believe it's Christmas Eve again? I'm sure that there's something that corresponds to 'continental drift' influencing the way the earth spins these days - we must be slowly but inexorably spinning in an ever-decreasing orbit, so that each year gets shorter and shorter. (No, it's nothing to do with age, Cheeky! Like Miss Jean Brodie, I'm just in my prime.)

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas with your family and friends. We have our daughter home from the UK (a surprise visit, she's heading back in the New Year to continue her working holiday); but our son has arranged to spend Christmas with his new fiancé and her family at their country property - so we're not quite a full complement this year!

Would you like a dollar for every time you've heard someone say, "I'm going to count to three ...1 ...2 ..."? (With summer holidays upon us in this part of the world, households around the country will be ringing with those words!)

"Third time lucky!" we all say.

"Bad news comes in threes."

Good or bad - three's your number, every time.

Just what is it about the number three?

We have the Holy Trinity; the Three Wise Men and the Three Little Pigs; Three Muskateers; a menage a trois ... the three witches in Macbeth and three coins in a fountain ... spells and incantations from all religions use the magic number of three ... and so it goes on ...

It's a number that crops up all the time in everyday speech: listen closely, the next time a friend or associate is ticking off options, it will nearly always be along the lines of, "... first, there's A,; secondly there's B and thirdly, there's C ..." or "I can give you three good reasons why we should X ..."

(Even the ellipse ... the dots used to indicate a pause ... is a series of three dots, no more and no less!)

I love that metaphor of the "three-legged psychological stool." Maybe this is at the bottom of our fascination - a deep-seated psychological need for the completeness of a nuclear family unit ...

Jessie Newburn told me that her mother, Eileen (a watercolorist), says that the eye intuitively searches for odd numbers of things and the mind finds it more peaceful. "For example", she says, "if you introduce a bit of orange to a painting, and then put that color somewhere else, the eye will intuitively search for the THIRD ORANGE and the mind will be bothered if it isn't found."

And you thought three was just another number!

If you have any insights into this topic, please let me know - I'm sure there must be plenty of information Out There.

What's the meaning of these Foreign Phrases?

Raison d'etre (sorry, you'll have to imagine the circumflex over the first 'e') - REASON FOR EXISTENCE

Status quo - THE POSITION UNCHANGED

Tour de force - A FEAT OF STRENGTH OR SKILL

Verbatim - WORD FOR WORD

Sang-froid - COOLNESS IN DANGER OR DIFFICULTY

Penchant - A LIKING OR INCLINATION FOR

Deus ex machina - AN ARTIFICIAL OR CONTRIVED SOLUTION

En rapport - IN AGREEMENT

Fait accompli - AN ACCOMPLISHED FACT OR DEED

Faux pas - A SOCIAL BLUNDER

Bete noir - IRKSOME PROBLEM

Match up the words in the list with their meanings below:

Fiscal, catholic, laconic, mendacious, temporal, sartorial, sardonic, perfunctory, terrestrial, querulous

Concise -

Of men's clothes -

Tendency to tell lies -

Of the earth -

In a superficial way -

Pertaining to time -

Of public revenue -

Complaining or peevish -

Scornful or sneering -

Of universal interest -

This following offering has been around so long it's got whiskers - but it's always worth revisiting. There are dozens of versions around; I'm sure everyone changes it a little before sending it on (I have to confess, I've made a couple of substitutions in this version ... this is a family newsletter!)

December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge
in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more
surprised.

With dearest love and affection, Agnes
------------------
December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two
turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They
are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes
------------------
December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't
deserve such generosity. Three French hens.
They are just darling but I must insist...you're just too kind.
Love Agnes
---------
December 17th
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are
beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough?
You're being too romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes
---------------------
December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One
for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly,
John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Agnes
------------------
December 19th
Dear John:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on
my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh?
Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them?
The neighbours are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.
PLEASE STOP!
Cordially, Agnes
----------------
December 20th
John:
What's with you and those bloody birds????

Seven swans a-swimming. What kind of warped joke is this?

There's bird poo all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night. IT'S NOT FUNNY.......So stop with the birds.
Sincerely, Agnes
----------------
December 21st
OK Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring their own cows. There are dirty great cow pats all over the lawn and I can't move into my own house. Just lay off me.
Ag
----------------
December 22nd
Hey Psycho,
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And do they play... They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and are stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbours have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours.
From
Ag
----------------
December 23rd
You Rotten Sod,
Now there are ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call those tramps ladies. They've been bonking those nine pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhoea. My living room is a river of manure. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm getting the police onto you.

One who means it,

Ag
--------------------
December 24th
Listen You Ratbag:
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and aforementioned "ladies"? Some of those broads will never walk again. The pipers have started brawling with the eleven lords a-leaping. All 234 of the birds are dead. They have been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.
Your sworn enemy,

Miss Agnes McCallister
--------------------------------------
December 25th (From the law offices of I. Grindem and Lovitt)
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister.
The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.
With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

_________________________

Aah ... Christmas - there's nothing quite like it :)

PENULTIMATE OXYMORON OF THE WEEK: if your part of the world is anything like this, your TV screens will be filled with Christmas "Specials", starring a procession of wannabes and has-beens. So this week's oxymoron is dedicated to them: TV personality

And a Latin phrase for Saturday:

Nonne dulce est familiam totam in umum locum cogere? (Isn't it great to have the whole family together?)

Have a wonderful Christmas - whether you're a believer or not, it's a special time of year when everyone seems to try a little harder to do all the things that make you believe that we just might deserve our place at the top of the food chain!

Regards,

Jennifer 

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