Greetings,

My husband and I have never moved into a new house ... that's too easy ... we like Doer-Uppers ... Why? I hear you ask.

Because, like towering mountains, they're there?

Because we enjoy the challenge of making silk purses out of sows' ears?

Because we're mad?

Yep - a combination of all three!

The 'new' house (and I use the term loosely) has some interesting decorating touches; the pick of these has to be the bathroom, decorated in lilac - with peacocks on the wall tiles, fake gold trim around the shower screen and blue mosaic tiles on the floor ... mmm.

Have you ever seen a lilac toilet bowl? We have one ... it defies description.

We're only moving about five minutes away, but everything still has to be wrapped, packed and transported. Our removalist thinks it's great because he can send his Boys around to move a truck-load whenever they have a spare hour or two - it means we've been straddling two homes for the past week ... not a pretty sight, I can assure you.

As often happens in these it-never-rains-but-it-pours situations, yesterday was the day our little cat was due to have her annual visit to the vet.

Now vets, like dentists and doctors, have a special language. He sat her on the table, started his examination and, "Aah," he said, "hmm, uh-huh." Then, "ooh."

Translation: "Looks OK, no problems here, this is how it should be ... Say-y-y, maybe I'll get that new stereo/ set of golf clubs/ overseas trip after all."

That's right - the quick dash in to have a booster vaccination, transmogrified into a general anaesthetic, dental surgery and course of antibiotics.

So, I have one request ... SEND WORK ... If not for the convalescing cat ... then take pity on us ... think of the lilac bathroom!

How's your best-seller coming along?

Fancy a try at writing for children instead? This week I have an article by Laura Backes on how to incorporate humour into books for children.

One of my great friends has been an Infants teacher for many years (we used to exchange horror stories about our classes - I reckoned she always had it easier - at least she was bigger than them!) She keeps me in touch with what children find amusing - such as this corny joke from year 1:

Q. What comes out of the ground and says, "Underwear, underwear, underwear"?

A. Refined oil.

Q. What comes out of the ground and says, "Knickers, knickers, knickers!"

A. Crude oil.

Playing with words is always great fun for children, which explains the popularity of rhymes such as this:

And this:

1744 was a good year for children’s literature. John Newbery produced "A Little Pretty Pocket-Book," the first book written exclusively for children. It was also about this time that Mother Goose arrived on the scene with her now famous nursery rhymes.

But these first examples of writing for children were more didactic than entertaining. They were based on adults’ assumptions of what childhood should be like, and were meant educate or impart a moral lesson. Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, published in 1865, is often cited as the first example of nonsense in a children’s book (though it contains plenty of morals), and Mark Twain’s subtly humorous take on the nature of mankind caused his books to be banned in schools for many years. Fortunately, editors, parents and teachers have come to realize the importance of humor in children’s literature (thanks largely to Dr. Seuss), and children’s books in the last 45 years have reflected this change. Childhood is now seen as a stage of development in its own right, not just a training ground for adulthood. Books can make children dream, think, and laugh without having to teach them a lesson on every page.

Child development experts generally break humor into four categories: physical humor; humor of situation; humor involving play of language; humor of character. The order of this grouping suggests that the first two categories are less sophisticated than the last two. But all four can be used in children’s books for all ages. The most successful children’s books lead the reader through the steps of the joke. It’s the punch line that’s important; the more subtle and sophisticated the joke, the older the reader.

Physical humor can be anything from slapstick for younger readers (a clumsy duck or nearsighted dog), to a character who dresses outrageously in middle grade novels. Physical humor is used in picture books and early readers more than upper middle grade and young adult novels—the older children appreciate more cerebral humor. Humor of situation can be blatantly obvious, as in Space Dog by Natalie Standiford, a book for 7-10 year olds about a dog from outer space who crashes his spaceship into a suburban boy’s backyard. The book is funny because the situation is so absurd. In books for older children, the humor is more true to life and closer to their own experiences, such as a fourteen-year-old girl running into a boy she has a crush on when she’s at the movies with her parents.

Humor involving play of language transcends every age group. It starts out as rhyming words in children’s poetry (often with nonsense words thrown in), evolves to puns for 7-10 year olds, and develops into allusion for young adults, where the jokes often involve references to popular television shows, songs, or events that occurred earlier in the book. Humor of character is probably the most difficult form of humor for the author to develop. In an article written for Horn Book in 1982, author Beverly Cleary wrote that children "enjoy feeling superior to their younger selves (represented by a character in the book) and are relieved to know they have grown." Funny characters in books act in ways children aren’t allowed to in real life. The main thing that changes with the age of the book’s audience is the situation in which the character finds himself. In Space Dog, the dog from outer space eats pizza in bed and refuses to associate with other canines. A book for an older child may have a character talking back to a teacher or parent.

How do you know exactly what children will find funny? Author James Thurber said, "Not many adults have the kind of total recall that lets them remember what was funny to them as children." The best way is to observe children talking among themselves. If you don’t have children of your own, spend some time at park or playground, or ask a teacher if you can observe her class for a day or two. Ask your local librarian which books children check out most often, and read them yourself. When in doubt, make the humor in your story more complex rather than simple. Children’s grasp of humor develops faster than most adults realize, and there’s nothing more insulting to a twelve-year-old than to litter your text with knock-knock jokes.

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Last week's quiz:

Think of one word for each of these (the word must end in -fy):

e.g. to make into a liquid - liquify

1. to make pleasing to look at - BEAUTIFY

2. to cause pleasure - GRATIFY

3. to fill with great fear - TERRIFY

4. to put right - RECTIFY

5. to prove or show to be right - VERIFY

6. to make incorrect or untrue - FALSIFY

7. to give evidence - TESTIFY

8. to show by example - EXEMPLIFY

9. to make up for damage done - INDEMNIFY

10.to speak ill of - VILLIFY

Some different ones this week - choose words from the list below, using these clues:

1. has the opposite of darkness in the middle

2. is a bit sticky at the end

3. has a large, strong box in the middle

4. is hurtful at the beginning

5. has the opposite to 'down' at its end

musician, performance, delightful, composer, orchestra, accompany, guitar, group, instrument, percussion, harmony,

And some jumbled words (kids love these!) - unscramble these to form words:

SMGREENS, REHPAS, YRRLVAI, DAAEPR, ETAEALBRO

I came across these famous last words recently and thought you'd get a giggle from them:

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." --Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." --Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." --The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what ... is it good for?" --Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." --Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." --Western Union internal memo, 1876.

And the best of all:

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981

OXYMORON OF THE WEEK: deafening silence (this is how many of us greeted the news about our referendum result this morning - we were voting on whether to become a republic ... apparently we're not ...)

And a Latin phrase that sums up how many are feeling about how the campaigns were waged:

Frontis nulla fides (Do not trust appearances)

Or maybe this is better:

Raptus regaliter (royally screwed)

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Regards,

Jennifer

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