The End of an Era

It's been a bad twelve months for mothers in our family -- my own darling mother died last May, and the Love of My Life lost his mum last week. She'd been ailing for some time, but was one of those people who always bounced back, and we all expected that this time would be the same, so even though she was 93, it was still a sad shock to get the call that she was gone.

We'd spent a week with her at the beginning of January and were planning another trip down in April, but now ...

She was the last of her generation from both sides of our family, and her passing marks the end of an era. My mother-in-law came out to Australia when she was just 14, sailing out from the UK on the 'Esperance Bay,' a steamship built by Glasgow shipbuilder, William Beardmore and Company. We all know this because it was one her favourite stories ... the young girl, sent to the wilds of the Antipodes, accompanied by an elderly aunt and then expected to start a life in this vast new country.

But despite spending nearly 80 years here, she never lost her Scots accent and loved singing the old songs, which she was apparently doing right up until the end. Her last couple of days were spent in a small country hospital near where she lived on the NSW far south coast, and her companions were a couple of elderly Koori (Aboriginal) ladies.

After a day that passed with much singing, laughing and talking together, my sister-in-law had been told that there was no cause for concern and was sent home to get some rest. She got a call in the morning telling her to make an emergency dash to the hospital, but arrived a few minutes too late. However, rather than being distraught at this as she expected, she said these wonderful women made her feel that her mum's passing was the most natural thing in the world.

As she rushed into the room, one of the women said to her, "She gone, Love. You missed her, Love. She be up near the Nullarbor by now, maybe even Flinders Ranges. She on her journey now; she gone. Don't be sad, Love. Her ancestors, her mob came to get her some time ago. Don't be sad."

And my sister-in-law has been able to cope so much better since then. She gave a very moving eulogy, and I know she won't mind me sharing just a little of this lovely piece she found ...

"A ship at our side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength and we stand and watch her until at length she is a speck of white cloud just where the sea and the sky come to mingle with each other.

"She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left our side and she is just as able to bear her load of living weight to her destined harbour.

"Her diminished size is in us, not in her, and just at the moment when someone at our side shouts, 'There! She is gone. There, she is gone,' there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, 'Here she comes. At long last, here she comes!'

This week's Little Something Extra has an outline of where to start if you're asked to deliver a eulogy ...

Here are some words with a Scots background ... in memory of my mother-in-law. Some of these will be as familiar to you as they are to me, others may be new. Match them up:

Here's a lovely little story Marvin came across about what's important in life ...

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.

The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.

Finally, he couldn't resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"

The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"

enormity, staunch, forgo, stanch, fulsome, noisome, discomfit, forego, peruse, egregious

1. offensive to good taste, being excessive; overdone or gross; disgusting; sickening; repulsive - FULSOME (Think carefully before you offer "fulsome praise.")

2. to stop the flow of blood or other liquid from a wound, leak, etc.; check, allay, or extinguish - STANCH

3. to confuse and deject; disconcert; to frustrate the plans of; thwart; foil; to make uneasy or perplexed - DISCOMFIT

5. to abstain or refrain from; do without; to give up, renounce, or resign - FORGO

6. extraordinary in some bad way; glaring; flagrant; conspicuously bad or offensive - EGREGIOUS

7. firm and dependable especially in loyalty - STAUNCH (If you were confused by these two 'staunch and stanch' you're not alone. dictionary.com tells us, "Staunch is more common than stanch as the spelling of the adjective. Stanch is more common than staunch as the spelling of the verb.")

8. to read through with thoroughness or care; to survey or examine in detail - PERUSE (This doesn't mean to glance over quickly, but to spend time, reading in detail.)

10. offensive or disgusting, as an odour; harmful or injurious to health; noxious - NOISOME (Nothing to do with loud music!)

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A group of office co-workers decided one day to share a ride to work. What they did not realise was that they also shared the same fear -- claustrophobia.

As they were driving through a mountain tunnel, all began to scream wildly! The car went out of control, but finally,
they were able to slow down and pull over to the side of the road.

A psychologist who was driving behind the car saw everything and stopped to see if he could help. He immediately ascertained what the problem was -- they were suffering from carpool tunnel syndrome.

No one's death comes to pass without making some impression,
and those close to the deceased inherit part of the liberated
soul and become richer in their humanness.

Hermann Broch (1886-1951)

Central to the funeral and concluding the public grieving period following a death is the eulogy, a funeral speech about the person who died. The purpose of the eulogy is to pay tribute to the deceased as a distinct individual, with unique talents and gifts, who will live on in the memories of the people who loved him. The eulogy allows family and friends to say goodbye to their loved one and acknowledge the gift they shared in being touched by his life.

Although being asked to give a eulogy is truly an honor, if you're the one who's been chosen, you may find yourself feeling anxious about the task before you. Perhaps you're not accustomed to public speaking, and the mere thought of speaking in front of a crowd makes you nervous. Or maybe you're unsure of your ability to manage your emotions as you share your memories of your loved one.

While such responses are fairly common, there's really no cause for worry. The audience for your funeral speech couldn't be more sympathetic and welcoming, and your deep feelings for the person who died will make the eulogy powerful. You won't be expected to express the thoughts and feelings of everyone present, nor to give a detailed account of the life of the deceased. All you have to do is write and talk from your heart, and let your audience identify with your memories and emotions.

Click here to read Lucie's sensible tips to help guide you through this difficult -- but rewarding -- writing task: http://www.write101.com/howtowriteaeulogy.htm

Word of the week: Lang may your lum reek (Not just a word this week, but a whole phrase!) This was what my mother-in-law wrote on every birthday, anniversary and Christmas card ... it means "Long may your chimney smoke," and it's a wish for a long, happy and prosperous life.

Did you know that you can have your very own Latin reminders? How about undies proclaiming, Bene est rex esse? (It's good to be king) Or a shopping bag that warns, Emptrix nata sum (Born to shop)? Click here for these and more.

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