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Solving your writing problems since 1998! |
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The
Write Way
28 December 2007 Another One Bites the Dust Greetings, Almost into another new year! Can you believe it? And you know what that means, don't you? Yep! New Year's Eve parties are nigh, so here are a few tips I've gleaned from the Ghosts of Parties Past to help you negotiate the minefield: Dress Avoid any party invitation that lists dress as "optional." Not only does it smack of undergraduate humour, (and we're all well past that, aren't we?) it also raises the frightening image of wobbly bits and dangly bits that should properly be kept well hidden under several layers of fine polyester. If you're asked to a party and the hostess tells you with a giggle and a toss of her pretty head that "It's Fancy Dress and we're all going to dress as our favourite book/cartoon/historical/movie character!" Don't. Not under any circumstances. As anyone over the age of 10 knows, there is only one answer when someone asks you to come in fancy dress and that answer is "No!" And if you're wondering why, think Wuthering Heights, the Flintstones, Cleopatra and Marc Antony, Han Solo and Princess Leia and then see above for wobbly bits and dangly bits. Food This is an area that's fraught with danger, as anyone who's ever worn a new white shirt or trousers to a party that serves up dainty platters of sun-dried tomato bruschetta will tell you. Taking a bib to wear while you eat is a tad infra dig, so the alternative is to scour the party for things-on-sticks. But even this is not without its problems, and generous hosts who feel that toothpicks are too small and who instead opt for bamboo skewers may be doing their guests a serious disservice. Watching some people upend a 200 mm length of sharp wood and proceed to eat the bits of chicken, beef or vegetable from it as it disappears further and further into their gullet is not for the feint of heart. Drink Beware the party host who spends the entire night going from guest to guest with bottles of wine, topping up glasses with gay abandon ... Just remember it's your head that's going to be making close acquaintance with the porcelain as the night wears on. Entertainment Party Games ... shudder ... This is a Bad Idea for so many reasons (see above for wobbly bits, things-on-sticks and bottomless bottles of wine). At the first mention of Charades, make your excuses and get out. Save yourself! Karaoke ... There is just nothing that anyone can say about Karaoke with a straight face that doesn't involve lies. Avoid it like the plague. Hostly Entertainment ... if your host is one of those people who fancies himself a dab hand at the piano/violin/harp or loves to regale you with a recital of his latest poem, you may console yourself with the thought that at least you don't live in ancient Rome when Emperor Nero performed for the delight of his subjects. Suetonius tells us, "While he was singing no one was allowed to leave the theatre even for the most urgent reasons. And so it is said that some women gave birth to children there, while many who were worn out with listening and applauding, secretly leaped from the wall, since the gates at the entrance were closed, or feigned death and were carried out as if for burial." (Source) There you go ... If you find yourself at the New Year's Eve party form Hell, you can always feign death and get your fellow sufferers to carry you out for burial!
And since we're farewelling the Old Year to make way for the New, here's a reflection in a cemetery ... I went to the cemetery yesterday and there were four pall bearers walking around with a coffin. Three hours later they were still walking around with it. I thought to myself, “These buggers have lost the plot.” This week's quiz: Some easy ones since I know your mind will be on Party Preparations ... Find the odd word: 1. abstract, ideal, concrete, hypothetical 2. agenda, schedule, plan, flexibility 3. atmosphere, mood, ambience, affability 4. salvation, revelation, apocalypse, devastation 5. arduous, simple, tough, exacting 6. benevolent, altruistic, malevolent, generous 7. mockery, reproduction, burlesque, travesty 8. unqualified, categorical, unequivocal, partial 9. permit, force, coerce, compel 10.complacent, serious, pleased, nonchalant And a thought to keep with you as we enter 2008 ... The master said to his confused disciple, "That was Zen, this is Tao." Have a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year! Last week's quiz: anaerobic, metabolism, aerobic, isometrics, abduction, agonist, adduction, deltoids, endorphins, fartlek 1. movement of a limb away from middle of body, such as bringing arms to shoulder height from hanging down position - ABDUCTION 2. process by which digested foods (nutrients) are converted into energy to be used by the body for vital functions; measured in calories - METABOLISM 3. any of a group of peptide hormones that bind to opiate receptors and are found mainly in the brain; reduce the sensation of pain and affect emotions - ENDORPHINS 4. Swedish for "speed play," a type of loosely structured interval training for runners, cyclists and in-line skaters; combines high-intensity segments with regular training pace in order to build strength and speed - FARTLEK 5. type of exercise that involves brief bursts of exertion followed by periods of rest, where the body uses the energy from glucose and fuel stores in the muscles; build muscles; examples include sprints, crunches and lifting weights - ANAEROBIC 6. the large triangular muscles of the shoulder which raise the arm away from the body and perform other functions - DELTOIDS 7. muscle directly engaged in contraction that is primarily responsible for movement of a body part; a muscle that contracts while another relaxes - AGONIST 8. type of exercise that causes a temporary increase in respiration and heart rate in order to condition your heart and lungs; examples include running, walking and swimming; generally burns fat - AEROBIC 9. exercise or a system of exercises in which opposing muscles are so contracted that there is little shortening but great increase in tone of muscle fibers involved - ISOMETRICS 10. movement of a limb toward middle of body, such as bringing arms to side from extended position at shoulder - ADDUCTION Here's a holiday story about children and policemen and .... Well, you'll see when you read it: During the New Year holidays, the boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?" "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman." Wondering what a policeman would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy," whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What's that noise?" "A hello copper," answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed, whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello copper." Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "Me!" Did you know that every newsletter is archived? So if you've missed anything since 1998 or want to revisit some favourites, you can do so any time! Don't forget to bookmark the page when you get there ... or even make it your Home Page. (For Internet Explorer, just click on Tools ... Internet Options ... General ... fill in www.write101.com/archives/index.htm and click OK. For Netscape, select Edit ... Preferences. Then select Navigator from the left menu, click Home Page and enter the URL above next to Location and click OK. For all the flash new browsers, you'll have to do a search on my mate google to find what to do. There's a search box on the archives page!) If you've received this little missive from a friend, you can get your very own issue, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed every Friday morning by clicking here: mailto:WritingTips-subscribe@yahoogrups.com And I'm even prepared to offer a shameless bribe. An Ape that wants to play Hamlet after being type-cast as King Kong, a talking anvil and that rottweiller ... Dr Morgenes is still caught in the nightmare that is the casting couch. Help him find a plot! Just click on the Comments button at the end of the entry to add your contribution. If you have friends who fancy themselves as writers, invite them to contribute (just forward this newsletter in its entirety to them). I often trawl this for comments to post on my site ... so if you say something about the newsletter or site, be warned, you may end up being read by one of the 2,000+ unique visitors who visit Write101 every day! Make your Mark on the World. Then stop by our Map of the World and read the messages. (Just click List) and add your mark. A Little Something Extra I love mysteries, don't you? And once all the festivities are out of the way, you may even find time to sit down and read a good book or even jot down your ideas for writing one. If that's the case, here are some ripper sites to inspire and help you ... One of the latest techniques used in solving crimes (and therefore mysteries) is DNA fingerprinting. "The past decade has seen great advances in a powerful criminal justice tool: deoxyribonucleic acid, or DNA. DNA can be used to identify criminals with incredible accuracy when biological evidence exists. By the same token, DNA can be used to clear suspects and exonerate persons mistakenly accused or convicted of crimes. In all, DNA technology is increasingly vital to ensuring accuracy and fairness in the criminal justice system." Read all about it here How DNA helps solve cold cases A fully searchable online edition of over 100,000 criminal trials held at London's Central Criminal Court (the Old Bailey) between 1674 - 1834 How to write mysteries for children Help with your book, whatever the genre you choose And some exercises for short-story writing from Elaine Rhys-Davies at the Ballea Writers Group Word of the week: Nugacity (n) Futility; trifling talk or behaviour; drollery This ever-so useful word comes from the Latin nugax meaning 'frivolous'. The accompanying adjective is nugacious, so I wish you a New Year devoid of nugacious persons! And if someone invites you to a party to "add a touch of nugacity to the evening," you can look insulted, hurrumph mightily and go somewhere else. Oxymoron of the week: a quiet New Year And let's hope you refrigerate your leftovers correctly and don't have to face this ... But if you do, at least you'll have the Latin! Post festum pestum [POHST FES-toom PES-toom] (After the holiday, the plague) Did you know that you can have your very own Latin reminders? How about undies proclaiming, Bene est rex esse? (It's good to be king) Or a shopping bag that warns, Emptrix nata sum (Born to shop)? Click here for these and more. Kind regards, Jennifer P.S. Want to donate to the upkeep of this newsletter? Just $17 a year seems a small price to pay for all this wit and wisdom, don't you think? C'mon, that's just a tad over than 30 cents a week! Here's how to toss a few pennies in my Running Away Fund: 1. 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