2 November 2007

Oh No! It Can't Be!

Greetings,

It happened last weekend.

There we were ... innocently strolling around our local shopping mall, when we turned a corner and were confronted by ... IT!

Towering over passing shoppers, it loomed large, brushing the ceiling with its alarming appendages, luring callow fellows with its promises of largesse, seducing passersby with the sweet siren song of Spending.

I glanced sideways at the Love of My Life to gauge his reaction and was gratified to see the same look of amazement cross his face as was working its way across mine. There's nothing like decades of shared experiences to put you in sync with your partner. 

So, like babes in the wood, we stood hand-in-hand and let our gaze wander from the feet of the beast to its peak, then as one we turned and asked the same question, "It is only October, isn't it?"

And last weekend, it was still October and by our count still two months till Christmas, so what the flippin' heck was a dirty great Christmas tree doing cluttering up our shopping centre?

As we continued our peregrinations, we came across more evidence of the insidious encroachment of commercialism in the form of Christmas decorations dangling from every rafter ... puddings and cakes and boxes of shortbread in the food aisles ... cards and wrapping paper festooned with snowflakes and reindeer in the stationery department ... Aargh!

Once upon a time, Christmas was something special, and it was special partly because you had all year to look forward to it and anticipate the fun. Now, we're force-fed two months in advance!

But I suppose I shouldn't really be surprised, after all, we had Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns on the shelves out here in January this year.

Sigh ... 

Sometimes I wonder what motivates manufacturers and advertisers. No wait, that's right ... money!

Actually, I think it'd be closer to the truth to say I worry about this, because 'wonder' implies a gentle curiosity or speculation. It can also be used in relation to something that fills us with awe or admiration, and neither of those emotions ever figure in my thoughts about Christmas decorations in October!

'Wonder' comes to us from the Old English verb wundrian from the noun wundor meaning a "marvelous thing, a marvel, the object of astonishment."

'Worry' on the other hand, means "to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret" and this is much closer to how I feel when I find myself cheek-by-jowl with the pointy end of a monstrous Christmas tree in October.

We've taken 'worry' from the Middle English weryen, werwen, wyrwyn meaning "to strangle, bite, harass." 

Ah yes ... that's much closer to it.

Here's an old story about a zookeeper who had plenty to worry and wonder about ...

A zookeeper wanted to get some extra animals for his zoo, so he decided to compose a letter. The only problem was that he didn't know the plural of 'Mongoose'.

He started the letter: "To whom it may concern, I need two Mongeese."

No, that won't work, he thought and tried again: "To whom it may concern, I need two Mongooses." Is that right?

Finally, he got an idea: "To whom it may concern, I need a Mongoose, and while you're at it, send me another one."

This week's quiz:

All right ... Now let's see what you've got to worry about. Match up these worries with their meanings:

agoraphobia, euphoria, schizophrenia, delusions, paranoia, dysthymia, hallucination, mania, phobia, narcissism

1. a strong perception of an event or object when no such situation is present; may occur in any of the senses (i.e., visual, auditory, gustatory, olfactory or tactile) 

2. an uncontrollable, irrational and persistent fear of a specific object, situation or activity 

3. a morbid fear of open spaces (as fear of being caught alone in some public place) 

4. an exceptional interest in and admiration for yourself 

5. a mood disorder which may be characterised by extreme elation, impulsivity, irritability, rapid speech, nervousness, distractibility and/or poor judgement 

6. a feeling of elation or well-being that is not based on reality and is commonly exaggerated 

7. a perception that is thought to be true by the person experiencing it, although the perception is wrong 

8. a psychological disorder characterised by delusions of persecution or grandeur 

9. mild chronic depression 

10. one of the most complex of all mental health disorders; involves a severe, chronic and disabling disturbance of the brain 

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An Ape that wants to play Hamlet after being type-cast as King Kong, a talking anvil and that rottweiller ... Dr Morgenes is still caught in the nightmare that is the casting couch. Help him find a plot!  Just click on the Comments button at the end of the entry to add your contribution. If you have friends who fancy themselves as writers, invite them to contribute (just forward this newsletter in its entirety to them).

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And here's a quick punctuation test to see if you've been paying attention:

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

Last week's quiz:

extortion, smuggling, fraud, trafficking, bribery, counterfeiting, embezzlement, laundering, arson, kidnapping

1. malicious burning to destroy property - ARSON

2. something intended to deceive; deliberate trickery intended to gain an advantage; intentional deception resulting in injury to another person - FRAUD

3. the felonious act of extorting money (as by threats of violence); unjust exaction (as by the misuse of authority) - EXTORTION

4. to make a copy of with the intent to deceive - COUNTERFEITING

5. the practice of offering something (usually money) in order to gain an illicit advantage - BRIBERY

6. the unlawful act of capturing and carrying away a person against their will and holding them in false imprisonment - KIDNAPPING

7. deal illegally; to trade or deal in a specific commodity or service, often of an illegal nature - TRAFFICKING

8. the fraudulent appropriation of funds or property entrusted to your care but actually owned by someone else - EMBEZZLEMENT

9. to disguise the source or nature of (illegal funds, for example) by channeling through an intermediate agent - LAUNDERING

10. to import or export (goods) secretly, in violation of the law,  without payment of legal duty - SMUGGLING

Since we've looked at the origin of the word 'wonder' this week, here are some things to wonder at:

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Why is it that if you tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, he'll believe you, but if you tell him a bench has wet paint, he has to touch it?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

A Little Something Extra

Here's an interesting article about a different way of packaging your work ... Marcia Yudkin explains:

"Got knowledge?  Got an enthusiastic target market?  Then
there's no reason to stick to books, ebooks, audios and
videos to convey your expertise.  Many more creative
options abound and give you the chance to entice an unsure
buyer to make an initial purchase as well as have something
appealing for follow-up sales. 

"Creative packaging also gives you a significantly better
shot at magazine and web publicity.  Years ago, for
example, I reformatted the contents of an audiotape as a
10-installment seminar on colorful postcards.  Entrepreneur
Magazine thought it was cute and ran a little story about
my inventive new product, "The Procrastinator's Penpal,"
with a photo and my contact information.

"For each creative packaging option, I've provided links for
resources or examples."

Click to see the different ways you can package your content. 

Word of the week: Guttler (n) one who eats greedily or voraciously

And I'm sure you've met one of these at some stage!

The word comes from the same origin as "gut" ... the Old English guttas meaning 'to pour.'

Oxymoron of the week: modest sales targets

And here's a Latin phrase to use for when you spot your first Christmas tree of the season...

Bovina Sancta! 

[boh-WEE-nah SAHNK-tah]

(Holy cow!)