19 October 2007

The Slippery Slope ...

Greetings,

Ah ... Sunday afternoon ... Blue skies, sunshine, a gentle breeze ... It was one of those times when you just didn't want to sit at home or stay inside, so we did what any normal people would do and went for a walk to the waterfront for (yet another) cup of coffee. That made three trips down to the water for coffee last weekend. No wonder I'm all hyped up this week!

We assuaged that little voice in the back of our minds reminding us about the damage too much caffeine can do by walking down each time, but when we added the home coffees to the sitting-by-the- water coffees ... Well, it doesn't take much to send you on your way down that slippery slope, does it?

But I think there really is something pretty special about strolling down to the Bay's edge, having someone else make a coffee and then sitting and watching the world go by as you enjoy it.

And because it was such a beautiful day, we had plenty to look at. The good weather certainly coaxed our fellow carbon-based bipeds out of their homes and down to the water, so we watched people swimming, paddling in canoes and some others roaring past on jet-skis. (Why do we need those annoying little gnats disturbing the peace and quiet?) 

Then there were those whose idea of a good time was to leap out of an aeroplane and parachute to a perfect landing on the cross marked on the beach. (And before you ask, no, never in a million years would I do that ... There's just not enough money in the world to make this little black duck jump from a perfectly good plane!)

Further along the beach front, we would normally be able to see sailboard riders scooting across the water, but the wind wasn't quite strong enough for them last weekend, so we contented ourselves with watching the sailing boats racing the course that took them across from Scarborough to Moreton Island, over the Bay to a point right in front of us and then back along the shore-line to Scarborough.

The trip across from the island necessitated the use of spinnakers, which are always fun to watch, but somewhat less fun for the crew -- if we are to believe our sailing daughter -- when it comes time to bring them down.

Two boats caught our eye, one with a vibrant yellow spinnaker that was jockeying for position with a second boat with a white "kite" (that's a nautical slang term for the spinnaker, just to show I do listen closely to my daughter when she tells us about her adventures on the oceans blue). They were neck and neck (to continue our equine metaphor) all the way across the Bay -- so close that at times we thought we were mistaken and there was really only one boat, but when they reached the turning point, it was a different story all together, and one pulled away from the other and sailed triumphantly back to base.

As I commented to the Love of My Life, "There's nothing like bringing down a spinnaker while rounding a marker to separate the men from the buoys ..."

Sigh. Yes, I suppose it was one of those times when you really had to be there ... And I realise this doesn't mean a thing to our 'Murkin cousins who pronounce the word "boo-eez" (or something like that). If I tell you that the rest of us make it sound the same as "boys," you'll stop shaking your heads and muttering about that mad Aussie.

However, this rapier-like witticism got me thinking about words that sound the same, so here we are at last, setting our sailing caps at a jaunty angle, licking the salt from our lips and regaining our land-legs as we examine some more homonyms.

Most cause no problems whatsoever ... if I were to tell you I enjoy watching boats sail on the "baize," you'd be perfectly justified in edging away from me, because not many boats would fit on "a bright green fabric napped to resemble felt; used to cover gaming tables," and you'd know I meant "bays."

If I said I'd always wanted to go sailing in a "bark," you could quite rightly tap your head and make those little circling gestures with your fingers as you raise your eyebrows, because I'd get a lot further in a "barque," which is, as we all know (now) "a sailing ship with 3 (or more) masts."

And if I told you I couldn't wait to get my hands on a "bier," I wouldn't blame you for leaving right this minute and never coming back, because a "bier" is "a stand to support a corpse or a coffin prior to burial," and what I probably really want is a nice cold "beer."

So, sofa, so good ... (Sorry.)

Things turn nasty when we get to some other homonyms ... I have wonderful images when people write to me about running across a beach in their "bear feet," and about times when something bad happens but they just have to grin and "bare it."

Then there's the "callus" thief (callus is a noun and refers to "an area of skin that is thick or hard from continual pressure or friction as on the sole of the foot; callous is the adjective meaning "emotionally hardened").

And people who lament the fact that they're not admitted to the work "click" (a click is "a short light metallic sound" while a clique is "an exclusive circle of people with a common purpose").

But what always worries me is the woman who's taken to "dying" her hair (dying means "to cease to live," and I'm sure this lady would much rather "artificially colour her hair").

Some words are so similar in pronunciation that many people confuse them: an aesthetic person is one who appreciates the beautiful things in life, while an ascetic is a person who "leads an austerely simple life; one who abstains from the normal pleasures of life or denies himself or herself material satisfaction. " (And an anaesthetic is something that "causes loss of sensation with or without the loss of consciousness. ")

So, what have we learnt today, buoys and gulls? 

A homonym is "a word the same as another in sound and spelling but different in meaning," and a buoy is "a float moored in water to mark a location, warn of danger or indicate a navigational channel," while a boy is "a male child, from birth to full growth; one less than 18 years of age."

OK ... stop me if you've heard these ...

Once you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead- to-know basis

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat

See? Homonyms are fun for all the family!

Read more about these little critters here and here.

Using the right word for the right occasion (and not getting tripped up by homonyms) is just part of good writing. You also have to watch for sloppy spelling, punctuation and grammar. I'd like to help you create the best first impression you can with your writing, and because you're a loyal subscriber, you can get my four-part writing course for a very special price (normally it's $97, but for you ... just $49.95!)

This week's quiz:

Here are some words to describe some people you know ... (Warning: there's a trick question in this lot):

lollygag, scallywag, palooka, spiv, gormless, spendthrift, latrociny, blather, ha-ha, kibosh

1. voluble, foolish or nonsensical talk

2. foolish, lacking in initiative

3. nonsense; stuff

4. to loiter aimlessly; to linger; to lurk

5. highway robbery

6. sunken fence; wall not visible until you're close to it

7. second-rate prize fighter; stumblebum

8. one who is playfully mischievous; an imp

9. one who is unemployed but makes money through dubious schemes; goes about smartly dressed and having a good time

10. one who wastes money on improvident purchases

And did you hear about the manicurist went back to college to become a veterinarian? She was an expert at giving a pet a cure.

Then there's the man who goes to see his doctor because he has a lettuce leaf sticking out of his ear. "Hmm," the doctor says, "that's strange." 

The man replies, "I know. And that's just the tip of the iceberg."

Last week's quiz:

Match each word with its definition:

1. transient- temporary, fleeting

2. qualify- to limit

3. nascent- coming into existence, emerging

4. Quixotic- extravagantly chivalrous, romantically idealistic, impractical

5. reprobate- person hardened in sin; one devoid of decency

6. libertine- immoral person

7. tractable- easily influenced, obedient, docile

8. craven- cowardly

9. picaresque- involving clever rogues or adventurers. Don't confuse with "picturesque, " which means picture-like, charming, or quaint

10. sedulous- diligent, assiduous, devoted to a task

A Little Something Extra

Here's something for those who want to submit work for publication ...

"Author guidelines usually include a reference to word count as part of the instructions. So what counts as a word, and how should you go about counting?

"The one thing you need to understand very clearly is that publications take word count seriously. If they give you a word count, they expect you to stick to it!"

So just how do you count the number of words in your article, short story or novel?

Click here to find out how to do a word count: 

Word of the week: Moliminous (adj) of great bulk or consequence; very important.

This very useful word comes from the Latin molimen meaning 'a great exertion,' which in turn comes from moles meaning 'a heavy mass.'

Oxymoron of the week: too much coffee

And since we began on the water, we'll end with a Latin phrase for watery occasions:

Fluctuat nec mergitur 

[FLOOK-too-aht NAYK mayr-GEE-toor]

(It is tossed by the waves but it does not sink)