The Write Way

2 March 2007

The Rules of Engagement

Greetings,

I've just finished reading a fascinating book lent to me by one of my "lagoon" friends (you already know all about my early morning aquatic pursuits). This book, Watching the English, was written by English social anthropologist, Kate Fox, and in it she tries to fathom why it is that the English, generally speaking, are the way they are ... You know, reserved, polite to the point of painful, private, obsessed with putting the kettle on, downing a pint, having a laugh and avoiding eye contact at all costs ... and that's not even mentioning the notoriety of the Whingeing Pom! 

(The writer frequently mentions the English predilection for a good moan about everything, and after reading this book, I feel I should apologise to all our English visitors who, over the years, have done their best to earn this reputation. Now I understand that you're in fact showing how much you feel at home out here by moaning about things the same way you moan "back home." It's only 'cause you love us!) 

Kate (and I'm a tad concerned about using her first name, given the English reticence about sharing anything remotely personal, including first names) would no doubt be amazed were she to accompany us on one of our early morning walks along the waterfront (my winter pastime when it's too cold to swim).

It's an automatic response, akin to the English knee-jerk reaction of "when in doubt, joke," for us to make eye contact with fellow walkers and to greet them. This greeting can be as simple as a smile and a nod, or it can include some verbalised acknowledgement, from a cheery "Morning!" to "Lovely day!" "Not a bad sunrise, eh!" and "Wouldn't be dead for quids!" or variations on same. (All are accompanied by exclamation marks ... they're not queries but statements of fact.)

The response can be any one of the initial greetings, but there must be a response of some sort. 

The Kate Foxes of this world would have a field day, lurking behind trees, pens poised and notebooks at the ready trying to keep track of the continuous chorus of "Mornings!" ringing out along the waterfront. It's like something out of Monty Python's fish tank scene in the opening of The Meaning of Life ...

First Fish: Morning. 

Second Fish: Morning. 

Third Fish: Morning. 

Fourth Fish: Morning. 

Third Fish: Morning. 

First Fish: Morning. 

Second Fish: Morning. 

Fourth Fish: What's new? 

First Fish: Not much. 

Fifth and Sixth Fish: Morning. 

The Others: Morning, morning, morning. 

First Fish: Frank was just asking what's new.

Because the walkway passes beside the lagoon, we in the water are able to join in, and there's many a merry exchange of greetings between walkers and swimmers.

The English, according to Kate (See? We're on a first name basis and it doesn't hurt a bit!) hate to talk to people they don't know, which is why they avoid eye contact ... Perhaps it's a case of if you can't see them, maybe they can't see you, either.

No wonder the Poms have such a hard time when they come out here ... We'll chat to anyone! Stand still long enough in Australia and someone will strike up a conversation (unless, of course, you happen to be in a shop waiting to be served, then you may as well be wearing your Mantle of Invisibility ... ). 

Like our English cousins, we often start with weather-talk, and this usually revolves around our extremes "Scorcher, isn't it?" "Cold enough for you?" "Don't mind the heat, but hate this humidity, don't you?" "Mossies are bad this year, aren't they?" "Weather bureau said rain again, but doesn't look much like it, does it?"

But unlike our English cousins, most introductory remarks will end with a question as an invitation to continue the conversation ... we want you to keep talking.

I won't keep prattling on about what my new first-best friend, Kate says, except to mention an interesting comment from the first part of the book where she writes about her father (also an anthropologist) who taught her from a tender age to be observant. "I was to look for regularities and consistent patterns ... and try to work out the hidden rules - the conventions or collective understandings - governing these behaviour patterns."

I've started trying to do this, more as a way of filling in time when standing in queues or waiting around for things to happen (shops to open, games to start, films to begin etc), than as a social experiment, and it's just fascinating. 

Next time you find yourself glancing at your watch every few seconds and worrying about time being wasted, just make a conscious effort to distance yourself and observe the natives ... Watch the body language as someone tries to get served before you at the deli ...  the delicate manoeuvres as young blokes jockey for position closest to the good sort who got on at the last train stop ... the subtle signals sent and received by couples who have been together for some time ...  

You'll be hooked.

I only have admiration for people who spend their lives doing this!

Hmmm ... that use of only was a mite ambiguous, was it not?

What exactly does it mean? That I alone, of all the people in the world, admire these anthropologists?

That all I have is admiration, nothing else?

Just ponder for a moment all the different meanings expressed simply by changing the position of that teensy adverb:

I have only admiration for people who spend their lives doing this!

I have admiration only for people who spend their lives doing this!

I have admiration for people who only spend their lives doing this!

I have admiration for people who spend only their lives doing this!

I have admiration for people who spend their lives doing only this!

All mean something quite different, don't they?

So what's our rule for only? 

Funny you should ask ...

 When used as adverbs that modify all or part of the predicate they are usually considered to be "mid-position" adverbs and placed before the main verb, between an auxiliary verb and the main verb, or after a "be" verb that is being used as the main verb: "I am only interested in science." 

"However if really necessary only can be put directly before the object, complement, or adverbial expression that it refers to."

Just to complicate matters, both these words can also be used as adjectives, and if this is the case, they're always placed before the noun or pronoun they qualify:

"Only I knew the answer.

"I lost my only hat.

He is a just man." (Source)

Hardly a challenge, is it?

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These templates alone will save you hours and hours of work!

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This week's quiz:

Let's see how closely you monitor the language ... Match up these neologisms from the OED:

mesotherapy, abdominoplasty, twonk, bahookie, blowback, celebutante, mentee, therapise, obesogenic, hardscape 

1. celebrity who is well known in fashionable society 

2. tending to cause obesity 

3. person who is advised, trained or counselled by a mentor 

4. a surgical operation involving the removal of excess flesh from the middle region 

5. subject to psychological treatment or processes 

6. the man-made features used in landscape architecture e.g. paths or walls, as contrasted with vegetation 

7. a person's buttocks 

8. a procedure in which multiple tiny injections of pharmaceuticals, vitamins etc. are delivered into the layer of tissue under the skin, to promote the loss of fat or cellulite 

9. the unintended adverse results of a political action or situation 

10. a stupid or foolish person 

And here are some interesting questions that Gaile Wotherspoon, one of our Merry Band who travels far and wide as a teacher in exotic locales, thought we'd enjoy:

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Seems I stirred the possum last week with reminiscences of my Morris Minor ... I didn't realise so many people used to drive them. I hope you had fun reliving your Wasted Youth ... I certainly enjoyed reading your stories.

And thanks to Gary Dean who was able to (nearly) recreate the full technicolour wonder of MM (thanks to the wonders of PhotoShop! You can see the results of Gary's efforts.  

Last week's quiz:

calibrate, alternator, babbitt, anneal, tachometer, arcing, baffle, camber, differential, pawl 

1. a flat plate that controls or directs the flow of fluid or energy;  barrier used to reduce noise in an enclosed system, such as the exhaust system - BAFFLE (Always part and parcel of any time I spend looking under the bonnet of a car ...)

2. section of the rear-axle assembly that provides three functions: it allows the wheels to revolve at different speeds during turns, provides the final gear reduction, and changes the angle of drive 90 degrees; a bevel gear that permits rotation of two shafts at different speeds; used on the rear axle of automobiles to allow wheels to rotate at different speeds on curves - DIFFERENTIAL

3. check, test, or adjust the initial settings of a unit or system - CALIBRATE

4. supplies electric power for the vehicle's electric systems and also recharges the battery when the engine is running - ALTERNATOR

5. outward or inward tilt of the wheels, in degrees, on a vehicle as viewed from the rear or front - CAMBER

6. an alloy of tin with some copper and antimony; an anti-friction lining for bearings - BABBITT (No relation to furry animals with large floppy ears nor even to that unfortunate person who had a close encounter with entirely the wrong end of a pair of his wife's scissors ... or was it a kitchen knife?)

7. heat-treatment process to reduce hardness or brittleness, relieve stresses, facilitate cold working, or produce a desired microstructure or property; toughen (steel or glass) by a process of gradually heating and cooling - ANNEAL (Or the name of one of your mates?)

8. a hinged catch that fits into a notch of a ratchet to move a wheel forward or prevent it from moving backward; ratchet tooth that is used to lock a device - PAWL (Another boy's name?)

9. instrument used to measure engine speed - TACHOMETER (Also known as the tacho)

10. applies to the spark that occurs in an electrical circuit in an air gap, such as a spark plug - ARCING

Richard English shed a little more light on the subject of arcing ...

An arc, on the other hand, is the spark-like phenomenon that occurs when a circuit is broken. The electricity tries to continue flowing and electrons are dragged across the gap until it gets too wide for the current available to maintain the flow. An arc can be formed with relatively low pressures - a fine arc can be formed with only six volts. Electrical welders (arc welders) work on this principle and to "strike" an arc, all the operative has to do is to touch the welding rod onto the work, thus completing the circuit, and then withdraw it slightly. The arc thus formed creates massive heat and the material under the arc melts and fuses.

Ah ... now we know!

A Little Something Extra

Many people who want to write often decide to start with a children's book, and assume (wrongly as it happens) that if writing for children will be a doddle, then writing a picture book will be a snap.

Hmmm ... Look at what published children's writer, Robyn Opie, has to say about that misconception ...

"Picture books look easy to write. They usually contain less than 1,000 words with stories that appear so simple that anyone can write one.

"In fact, picture books are the hardest of all children's books to write and do well.

"That doesn't mean you can't write one. It means that you need to take time to produce your absolute best story and you need to know what you're doing.

"There are a lot of things to consider when writing picture books..."

Click here to read Robyn's advice on how to write children's picture books. 

Word of the week:  Shoulder-surfing - practice of spying on the user of a cash-dispensing machine or other electronic device in order to obtain their personal identification number, password etc

This is definitely something to be wary of when doing business at one of those ubiquitous ATMs.

Oxymoron of the week: alone in a crowd  (Kate Fox would say this is just how the English like it to be!)

This week's Latin phrase should provide solace for everyone ...

Aquila non capit muscas

[ah-KWEE-lah NOHN KAH-peet MOOS-kahs

(The eagle does not hunt flies)