Greetings,

Thanks for all the comments about last week's Tips - it seems that many people are tackling something a great deal more ambitious than the shopping list and memo!

Here are a few more thoughts if you're thinking of concentrating on writing fiction:

Whatever you are writing (and this applies to non-imaginative writing as well), you MUST (absolutely must) have:

1. A BEGINNING

2. A MIDDLE

3. AN END

Sounds logical, doesn't it? But you would be astounded at the number of people who ignore this simple principle of writing.

In imaginative writing, you BEGIN by introducing your character/s, setting the scene (in place, time and atmosphere) and establishing the main story line.

In the MIDDLE you place a couple of OBSTACLES in the path of your characters - a problem or difficulty that has to be overcome. This builds tension and maintains interest as well as allowing you the chance to reveal more about your characters and their strengths and weaknesses. You then build to a CLIMAX of the action.

The END involves tying together any loose ends - if you've introduced something like a mysterious car driving past at different times, then you must explain its significance before you finish - if it has no significance, then leave it out! You can have a twist at the end of your writing, but don't make it too complicated or far-fetched and please (please please) DON'T have your character wake up and find it was all a dream ...arrgh!!!

The key to success in imaginative and dramatic writing is to write about things you know and understand. Stay on familiar ground and you stay out of trouble.

Many people make the mistake of thinking that good writing has to have masses of drama (these are the same people who think that good acting is LOUD acting). You only have to cast your mind over some of the more woeful offerings on the telly to understand how prevalent this is.

You know the sort of thing - a typical day in a typical suburban street: a mugging, an attempted suicide, a long-lost parent returns and wreaks havoc in the lives of his/her long-lost family, the lovers discover that they're really brother and sister the day before they're due to be married, the drive-by shooting, the old duffer on the corner reveals that he's really an eccentric millionaire and little Johnny discovers aliens in the refrigerator ...

You don't need all that nonsense.

The best writing deals with subjects and events which we can all relate to and understand.

That's not to say that you shouldn't attempt science-fiction, thrillers, action stories and romance writing. Just keep one foot firmly on the ground (or your tongue firmly in your cheek). There's a difference between the improbable, the impossible and the you've-got-to-be-joking.

Remember that the aim of this form of writing is to entertain and to amuse - but that doesn't mean that you want your audience to be falling about laughing at you.

If you're tackling any extended piece of writing, you must take steps to keep track of your characters, scenes and plot twists - there is nothing more annoying than getting to the end of a novel and wondering why, on earth, the writer introduced that scene in the mountains; or what ever happened to that fellow who was hanging around the heroine's bayside cottage at the beginning of the story; or just what was the significance of that necklace which played such a major role in chapter five ...

You owe it to your readers to tie up all the loose ends - we read novels because we like that satisfying feeling that, yes, it does all fit together ... there really is method in all the madness. If we wanted pointless chaos, we'd just sit down and recall events in our own lives!

1. DIFFUSE, succinct, laconic, concise

2. pertinent, relevant, apposite, INAPPROPRIATE

3. perverse, stubborn, TRACTABLE, wayward

4. qualm, compunction, scruple, HEEDLESSNESS

5. garish, tawdry, SOBER, ostentatious

6. incessant, INTERMITTENT, interminable, unremitting

7. encumbrance, hindrance, INCENTIVE, impediment

8. facetious, recalcitrant, CO-OPERATIVE, dissident

9. surreptitious, FORTHRIGHT, clandestine, stealthy

10.nullify, quash, annul, VALIDATE

Every week seems to bring another teeth gnashing experience with computers - no-one is immune! Thanks to Georgia for sending this (again, neither of us knows who originally wrote this - if you do, please let me know so I can give credit to the writer):

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said Let there be light!

Enter user id.

God

Enter password.

Omniscient

Password incorrect. Try again.

Omnipotent

Password incorrect. Try again.

Technocrat

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

Let there be light!

Unrecognizable command. Try again.

Create light

Done

Run heaven and earth

And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light

Unrecognizable command. Try again.

Create firmament

Done.

Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors. And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2. Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear and....

Too many characters in specification string. Try again.

Create dry_land

Done.

Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors. And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3. Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.

Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night

Unspecified type. Try again.

Create sun_moon_stars

Done

Run sun_moon_stars

And God created the heavens. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4. Approx. funds remaining: $54.00.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

Create fish

Done

Create fowl

Done

Run fish, fowl

And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

Approx. funds remaining: $45.00.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.

Create cattle

Done

Create creepy_things

Done

Now let us make man in our image

Unspecified type. Try again.

Create man

Done

Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth.

Too many command operands. Try again.

Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 6 errors.

Insert breath

Done

Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 5 errors.

Move man to Garden of Eden

File Garden of Eden does not exist.

Create Garden.edn

Done

Move man to Garden.edn

Done

Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 4 errors.

Copy woman from man

Done

Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 3 errors.

Insert woman into man

Illegal parameters. Try again.

Insert man into woman

Done

Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 2 errors.

Create desire

Done

Run multiplication

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

Create freewill

Done

Run freewill

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

Undo desire

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.

Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

Help

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

Create tree_of_knowledge

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

Create good, evil

Done

Activate evil

And God saw he had created shame.

Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in Garden.edn.

1 errors.

Scan Garden.edn for man, woman

Search failed.

Delete shame

Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.

Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

Stop

Unrecognizable command. Try again

Break Break Break

ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES.

PLEASE LOG OFF.

Create new world

You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old files before new ones can be created.

Destroy earth

Destroy earth: Please confirm.

Destroy earth confirmed

COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.

And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.

Approx. funds remaining: $0.00.

OXYMORON OF THE WEEK: reliable government service

Privacy Policy.