The Write Way

10 November 2006

Let's Go, Captain's! Let's Go!

Greetings,

Now before you all dash off irate messages about my misuse of the apostrophe above, let me just say: I know!

That's the whole point of putting it there ... to see if you're paying attention.

I saw this on a banner being waved at a sporting arena for an undisclosed event. (It's undisclosed because I don't want to embarrass the supporters, and for the same reason, the name of the team has been changed to protect the innocent.)

When I saw this, I could just imagine what it was like while the lads were planning their trip to the game. It was as clear to me as if I'd been a fly on the wall ...

Johnno: We gona game s'arvo?

Davo: Too right, mate.

Johnno: See they're givin' away cash for the best banners?

Davo: Yeah?

Johnno: Yeah. We should make one.

Davo: Yeah.

Johnno: Got any paint?

Davo: Yeah, down the shed.

Johnno: Got any white sheets?

Davo: Yeah, on the bed.

Johnno: Missus won't mind?

Davo: Nair.

So they gather their equipment and proceed to ponder their message ...

Davo: What'll we write?

Johnno: (in a flash of inspiration) "Let's go!"

Davo, all too easily impressed, begins the laborious task of transferring this message from his mate's little grey cells to his erstwhile marital-bed covering. 

On a roll, he writes, "Let's go!" getting the apostrophe in the right spot whether by design or by chance we'll never know, then carried away by the Muse in a mad moment decides to add the name of the team, before flirting briefly with the art of rhetoric and repeating the original exhortation. Finally, with a flourish, he presents his banner to Johnno for inspection and praise: "Let's go, Captain's! Let's go!"

Well may we wonder at the apostrophe in Captains, but as Davo himself said, "That squiggly thing looked cool so I put it in front of all the Ss. That's right, init Johnno?"

Init, indeed?

And you don't need me to tell you that Davo's not alone in his mangling of the apostrophe. Here's a wonderful term I came across: "The 'Apostrolypse' is a term for the cataclysmic and final collapse of our planet brought on by the misuse of apostrophe by illiterate people, viz., death by apostrophe. Think of it as worse than nuclear fallout: suffocation of all living organisim's by the relentles's rain of gratuitou's apostrophe's, swelling up as toxic aerial miasma... 

"Variant theory: "Apostroluge," or global destruction by deluge; all air-breathing terrestrial creatures are inundated by apostrophes and die, reminiscent of Noah's flood except that there's no boat." 

If you need a refresher in order to avoid death by apostrophe, take a look and sign up for my Apostrophe FAQ.

And to remind us all just why we need to be ever vigilant, drop by to reacquaint yourself with some Catapostrophes. 

And here's an intriguing question to ponder:

Q. How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 

A. Two.  One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

This week's quiz:

Here are some of the more unusual literary devices that often litter ... er ... adorn writing:

anapest, elision, aubade, caesura, spondee, dactyl, trochee, enjambment, parody, sestain

1. humorous, mocking imitation of a literary work, sometimes sarcastic, but often playful and even respectful in its playful imitation 

2. two unaccented syllables followed by an accented one, as in com-pre-HEND or in-ter-VENE 

3. omission of a sound between two words (usually a vowel and the end of one word or the beginning of the next); the omission of an unstressed vowel or syllable to preserve the metre of a line of poetry 

4. a break or pause (usually for sense) in the middle of a verse line; strong pause within a line of verse

5. the continuation of a syntactic unit from one line of verse into the next line without a pause; run-on line of poetry in which logical and grammatical sense carries over from one line into the next 

6. a love lyric in which the speaker complains about the arrival of the dawn, when he must part from his lover; an open air concert in the morning, as distinguished from an evening serenade; also, a pianoforte composition suggestive of morning (Haven't I always told you that English has a word for everything?)

7. a metrical unit with stressed-stressed syllables as in KNICK-KNACK

8. a metrical unit with stressed-stressed-unstressed syllables; accented syllable followed by an unaccented one, as in FOOT-ball 

9. a poem of six six-line stanzas and a three-line envoy, originally without rhyme, in which each stanza repeats the end words of the lines of the first stanza, but in different order, the envoy using the six words again, three in the middle of the lines and three at the end 

10. stressed syllable followed by two unstressed ones 

We can only be grateful that our mate Davo was unfamiliar with these!

Some thoughts on Life ...

"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." (Truman Capote)

"An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger." (Dan Rather)

"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other." (J. Handy)

Last week's quiz:

acronym, morpheme, mnemonic, antonym, neologism, euphemism, litotes, synecdoche, philology, rhetoric

1. the study of literary texts and of written records, the establishment of their authenticity and their original form, and the determination of their meaning - PHILOLOGY

2. any of the minimal grammatical units of a language, each constituting a word or meaningful part of a word, that cannot be divided into smaller independent grammatical parts; minimal meaningful language unit; it cannot be divided into smaller meaningful units - MORPHEME

3. a word that means the opposite of another - ANTONYM

4. understatement, esp. that in which an affirmative is expressed by the negative of its contrary, as in “not bad at all" - LITOTES

5. a word formed from the initial letters or groups of letters of words in a set phrase or series of words - ACRONYM (Laser is an acronym from Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation)

6. something intended to assist the memory, as a verse or formula - MNEMONIC

7. a new word, meaning, usage or phrase - NEOLOGISM

8. the art or study of using language effectively and persuasively; skill in using language effectively and persuasively - RHETORIC

9. the substitution of a mild, indirect or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh or blunt - EUPHEMISM

10. a figure of speech in which a part is used for the whole or the whole for a part, the special for the general or the general for the special, as in ten sail for ten ships or a Croesus for a rich man - SYNECDOCHE

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.

"Wait a minute," said the writer. "This is just as bad as hell!"

"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your work gets published."

But if you have Peter Bowerman's great guide to becoming a Well-Fed Self-Publisher that won't be the case for you! Read more here: 

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A Little Something Extra

We have some fun with the old oxymoron, but it's also a serious and useful tool, as writer Vivian Gilbert Zabel explains:

"Oxymoron is not a way to call anyone a name. In fact, oxymoron is the poetic device meaning the use of contradictory terms (together) for effect. A Handbook to Literature states that etymologically the word means "pointedly foolish," that it brings together two contradictory terms that contrast to create sharp emphasis. Examples include cheerful pessimist, wise fool, sad joy, eloquent silence, living death, bittersweet, burning cold, glad mourning.

"As with any poetic device, one can use it to add to the imagery of a poem. With a bit of planning, the imagery created by oxymoron can enhance the emotion, too.

"Let's examine how an oxymoron can heighten the emotion of a poem."

Read how you can use the oxymoron successfully:  

Word of the week: Quaggy (adj) of the nature of or resembling a quagmire; marshy; boggy

OK, that's fine ... quaggy is a great word to describe the condition of the car park when you're on your way to a fancy do, wearing your best flash frock and new shoes and it's been raining all week ...

But what about this second meaning?

soft or flabby: quaggy flesh

Ooer yuck!

You can see its origin in the word quagmire, which in turn comes from quag, a dialectical variant of quake (from Old English cwacian) + mire, from Old Norse myrr, "a swamp."

But to describe flesh?

I repeat, Ooer yuck!

Oxymoron of the week: oral literature

And here's a handy Latin phrase for the coming weekend:

Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis

[pohs-TAY-tem ohb-SKOO-ree lah-TAY-rees nays-KEET-ees]

You do not know the power of the Dark Side