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Writing Tips ................................................................. 27 August 1999

If It Ain't Broke ...

 

Greetings,

 Thank you for all those offers of graphic help - I didn't realise what a talented lot writers are! (Now there's a great sentence for you ...) Since there are so many skilled people who receive the Tips, I've decided to set up a special page on the new site so that we can "strut our stuff" - maybe showcase different skills ... this is just a bit of thinking out aloud at the moment, I'll let you know as soon as I come up with something definite. Thank you again.

My family is the same as most others - we have our favourite sayings that have been used so often, we've come to regard them as our family "mottoes". One of these is, "If it ain't broke - don't fix it!"

I could have saved myself a great deal of angst (and time ... and grey hairs) if I'd remembered that last week. I've been experimenting with frames, using my new FrontPage 2000 ... After finally working out how they work, I had second thoughts about using them. I've heard such conflicting reports about how frames affect search engine rankings, how they appear in different browsers etc etc that I've decided to stay with what I know!

If you've read about my experiences in the Saga of the Alt Tags, you'll know that one of the chief causes of my frustration has been the way people who know what they're doing, tend to forget the fact that people like me don't know. It's usually the very basic steps that are never fully explained in any of the help documents. Which brings me to the point (about time, I hear you say).

There are three basic things I want to do with FrontPage 2000 - but do you think I can work out how to do them from reading the instructions??!

1. I want to move all the pages in my existing site over to my new site. Now I know this is possible, because my web hosting company did it. I tried to do this myself, following the directions in the manual - but I ended up with all the links on my new site, pointing to my old site!

2. I want to be able to change pages on my new site and upload them to the web (as I can do using dear old FrontPage Express on my old site). After following the steps outlined in the manual, I usually end up with all the links still going to the wrong place (I know it's GOT to be easy to do ...)

3. At the moment, I'm "playing" with a "live" test site that my web host set up - and when I get this working, I want to be able to make it the main site and then be able to change pages and upload them at will (or harry ... sorry, it's the strain starting to take its toll).

If you think you can explain any or all of these procedures to me - I'd love to hear from you!

Now, where were we up to with punctuation?

Yes, I know it's not one of the most exciting parts of language, but it IS important. It's another one of those basics that can make all the difference to your writing.

I've used this example before, because it illustrates the role punctuation plays in conveying meaning - look at the following sentences:

Don't stop.

Don't, stop.

The first is a request to continue with the action; the second is the exact opposite - it's saying that the action should cease. (Cast your mind back to a couple of real-life situations you've experienced and just think of the ramifications of leaving out that little punctuation mark!)

Commas are used to indicate a short pause - they alert the reader to the fact that the next thought will be connected to the one that has preceded it. (A full stop tells the reader that a new thought is about to start.)

Some writers adopt the "when in doubt, leave it out" approach, but, as we've already seen in the example above, the placement of a comma can radically alter the meaning of a sentence:

He was kicked by a mule which annoyed him. (The mule annoyed him.)

He was kicked by a mule, which annoyed him. (Being kicked annoyed him.)

Sometimes, omitting a comma can lead to ridiculous meanings:

While mother was cooking the baby wandered away.

Often, commas have to be used to avoid ambiguity in sentences:

You don't really like it; you're only pretending to please me.

You don't really like it; you're only pretending, to please me.

These sentences have two quite different meanings - as a result of the placement of the comma. (This is one of the really annoying things about built-in grammar programs, they can't respond to subtleties of meaning - my page is littered with wiggly green lines at the moment!)

 There are pages of rules that govern the use of commas, but the best rule is to read the sentence - aloud - and notice where you would pause to convey the intended meaning. If it's a short pause (and the idea is all part of a single thought), whack in a comma. If it's a longer pause (but still part of the same thought), use a semi-colon. If it's the end of a completed thought - use a full stop. Now what could be easier?

The dash has a number of uses in formal language:

  • It marks off a parenthetic statement (something that needs to stand out from the rest of the sentence)

His excuse - and I must say I think it is a very lame one - is that he didn't know he had to pay tax.

  • It marks an abrupt change in the structure of a sentence

I went to London to visit the queen, to Paris to drink the coffee, to Rome to see where all the roads led - but I must be boring you with these stories.

  • It acts as a sheep dog, and rounds up the subject or object of a sentence when it consists of a long list

An unbroken view of the bay with its sweep of battered cliffs, a secluded beach, acres of unspoiled bushland, the ease of constructing an access road and the short distance between Sydney and the site - all these made this a perfect place to build a house.

I always think that dashes are great for informal writing - you may have noticed that I'm quite partial to the odd dash.

The exclamation mark should be used sparingly in formal writing - there are very few occasions which call for it. However, in informal writing, it can be used in these situations:

  • To indicate a strong emotion

I've won the lottery!

How dare you!

  • To indicate an exclamation or interjection

Hear, hear!

Wow!

  • To apostrophise a person or thing

You little ripper!

Land of the brave!

  • To indicate surprise

After eating twenty-five watermelons to win the competition, he was presented with first prize - a watermelon!

Last week's quiz:

Match up the correct term for each "little bit" below:

A crumb of

A speck of

A grain of

A puff of

A lock of

A splinter of

A pat of

A scrap of

A blade of

A gleam of

A chip of

A sip of

A posy of

A smear of

bread

dirt

sand

wind

hair

wood

butter

paper

grass

light

glass

water

flowers

oil

Prefixes are the bits that come in front of words, and are often used to change the meaning of the word. Add the correct prefix to these words to give each an opposite meaning:

convenient

logical

popular

considerate

advantageous

movable

loyal

truthful

mobile

relevant

frequent

worthy

visible

mortal

adequate

controllable

accurate

responsible

honourable

healthy

experienced

polite

digestible

clement

Here's a collection of instructions taken from the labels of a variety of consumer products. The list was sent to me by Paul and has been circulating for some time now - even if you've seen it before, it still has the power to tickle your funny bone! (The truly sad part of this is that I have really seen some of these labels.) I love the comments :)

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
(really?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure???Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction incidents if we
just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(have a lobotomy)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(What is this, a home castration kit?)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)


OXYMORON OF THE WEEK: political science (hmmm)

And a Latin phrase for all those times when you've got nothing to say:

Illud iterum dicere potes! (You can say that again!)

And because footy season is nearly over and cricket season is just around the corner (O joy, O bliss ... be still my beating heart ...), here's another classic statement from one of the sporting fraternity:

Lara's chanced his arm - and it's come off! (Brian Johnston)

Regards,

Jennifer

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Regards,

Jennifer

 

 

 

 

 

 

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