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The Write Way 14 October 2005 Nip and Tuck Greetings, Lavinia popped around last week after reading the newsletter, to chat about Taylor's fish lips. And, as so often happens, it wasn't long before we were pondering other parts of her anatomy and wondering, has she or hasn't she? So it was off to our best mate google to see what we could discover, and we found a doozy of a site ... It's called www.awfulplasticsurgery.com (Don't you just love the Internet?) When you get there, scroll down to read some unkind comments about poor Hunter Tylo (the soapie actress who plays Taylor) and to see some Before and After shots.
And no, I don't think we're being at all catty here ... People who parade themselves in the public eye want to be in the public eye. And if they choose to do these odd and rather alarming things to themselves, then who are we to pass up such a wonderful topic of conversation? Of course, the sad thing is why someone who was as attractive as Hunter Tylo would want to do this to herself. Look at the Before photos and you'll see what I mean - she was a Good Sort; now she's just freaky. You know, you can always pick someone who's spent a large part of her (or his) disposable income keeping the cosmetic surgeons in the manner to which they've become accustomed; they're the ones with the permanently startled look. I'm reminded of P. G. Wodehouse's words, "(the look) was rather like that of one who, picking daisies on the railway, has just caught the down express in the small of the back." (The Inimitable Jeeves) (And I've just found another wonderful line from Wodehouse that could also be applied to some of these surgery junkies: "She looked like something that might have occurred to Ibsen in one of his less frivolous moments." Summer Lightning) It must be so uncomfortable to have those duck lips flapping around and skin pulled so tight ... (and don't get me started on those gravity-defying boobs!) I don't know how they stand it. I had a couple of skin cancers on my lower lip zapped by my doctor two weeks ago, and my lip puffed up like Hunter's. It was such an awful sensation, I can't imagine anyone choosing to go through life like that. I only had to put up with it for a day or so, but I got very weary of arguing with my lower lip and trying to force it to play nicely with the rest of my face. When I tried to eat or drink, it was a battle to get that lip to co-operate ... It kept wanting to pout its way into the forefront of any activity, while I just wanted it to sit quietly and stop all my food from falling on the floor like a good little lower lip should. Thankfully, after a day or so, it was cured of its arrant ways ... Or its errant ways? Arrant means 'without qualification; complete; thoroughgoing; downright' and comes from the Latin iter (a journey). It was originally an aberrant form of errant (wandering) and was used to describe vagabonds and later, when vagabonds got a bad name for themselves, wandering rogues. We still use errant to describe any type of roving, especially in search of adventure. It's also used for those who stray from the proper course or standards, and comes from the Latin errare (to wander), which is also the origin of our words err, error, erroneous and erratic. You can be an arrant knave and have errant ways. I do apologise for the confusion last week with the quizzes... I gave you all the answers and messed up an answer from the previous week. Sigh ... what can I say? I was having a Senior Moment! As Katy Brezger pointed out, there's no such word as ligitous (although it does have a nice ring to it, don't you think?) The word for the final clue, 'infamous; scandalous,' is flagitious. This also has a nice ring to it and comes from the Latin flagitium (shameful act; protest). This week's quiz: Match these up and you'll have a word for every nip and tuck or cut and tuck your little celebrity-heart desires: abdominoplasty, blepharoplasty, Botox, dermabrasion, dermalogen, lipoplasty, otoplasty, rhytidectomy, rhinoplasty, septoplasty 1. the surgical correction of defects and deformities of the partition between the nostrils 2. eyelid lift 3. the surgical repair of a defect of the nose, including reshaping or resizing the nose 4. facelift 5. tummy tuck 6. a type of cosmetic plastic surgery procedure aimed at setting prominent ears closer to the head or reducing the size of larger ears 7. a substance derived from botulinum toxin that works by preventing nerve impulses from reaching the muscle, causing the muscle to relax 8. product derived from human donor tissue that is used in lip augmentation to produce a look of fuller lips 9. a procedure that removes fine wrinkles and/or minimises scars on the skin 10. cosmetic procedure in which a special instrument called a canula is used to break up and suck out fat from the body And since we've been messing with the medicos this week ... Q. What do you call an anesthesiologist who shows up for work wearing a rabbit suit? A. An ether bunny I know you've seen some of these before ... but the classics are always good for a re-run! Things You Don't Want to Hear
During Surgery: Yes, I know you already have these ... hubris, allegory, doggerel, aside, soliloquy, cacophony, farce, hamartia, ode, prosody 1. relatively lengthy lyric poem that often expresses lofty emotions in a dignified style; characterised by a serious topic, such as truth, art, freedom, justice or the meaning of life; tone tends to be formal - ODE 2. language that is discordant and difficult to pronounce - CACOPHONY e.g. "never my numb plunker fumbles." (From John Updike’s "Player Piano") 3. excessive pride or self-confidence that leads a protagonist to disregard a divine warning or to violate an important moral law - HUBRIS 4. the overall metrical structure of a poem; the patterns of stress and intonation in a language - PROSODY 5. derogatory term used to describe poetry whose subject is trite and whose rhythm and sounds are monotonously heavy-handed - DOGGEREL 6. narration or description usually restricted to a single meaning because its events, actions, characters, settings, and objects represent specific abstractions or ideas. Although the elements may be interesting in themselves, the emphasis tends to be on what they ultimately mean - ALLEGORY 7. internal weakness in a character (like greed or passion or hubris); however, it may also refer to a mistake that a character makes that is based not on a personal failure, but on circumstances outside the protagonist’s personality and control - HAMARTIA 8. in drama, a speech directed to the audience that supposedly is not audible to the other characters onstage at the time - ASIDE 9. dramatic convention by means of which a character, alone onstage, utters his or her thoughts aloud - SOLILOQUY 10. form of humor based on exaggerated, improbable incongruities; involves rapid shifts in action and emotion, as well as slapstick comedy and extravagant dialogue - FARCE (think of anything that involves politicians and you'll get a pretty good idea!) Drop by to see what Dr Morgenes is up to now in the Never-Ending Story: http://write101.blogspot.com Just click on the Never-Ending Story and use the Comments button at the end of the entry to add your contribution. If you have friends who fancy themselves as writers, invite them to contribute (just forward this newsletter in its entirety to them). Have you made your Mark on the World yet? No? Then stop by our Map of the World and read the messages. (Just click List) and add your mark: http://pub37.bravenet.com/guestmap/view.php?usernum=3170114826 A Little Something Extra Here's all you need to know about the history of plastic surgery ... from the Egyptians to Hollywood nip and tuck jobs: http://www.emedicine.com/plastic/topic433.htm It's rather long ... but fascinating! And before you write to berate me for casting aspersions on plastic surgeons, I realise what a wonderful job they do in reconstructions after accidents and to remedy some of the unfortunate tricks played by nature. My cynicism is reserved for those cosmetic surgeons who make a squillion by preying on our weaknesses ... I'm sure that's not what the Hippocratic Oath is all about. (Read the classic version of the Oath here: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/doctors/oath_classical.html) Word of the week: Plastic (n) generic name for certain synthetic or semi-synthetic materials that can be moulded or extruded into objects or films or filaments or used for making various items and coatings and adhesives. It comes from the Greek plastikos (to mould). This seemed like an apt word, given our time spent on the table under the plastic surgeon's knife today ... Apparently, plastic was invented by American John Hyatt in the 1860s, as his entry in a competition to find a replacement for the ivory used to shape billiard balls. The material had to be hard and durable (like ivory) and had to be suitable for moulding. Hyatt called his original material celluloid (also from the Greek) ... but it had one teensy drawback for an object that was used in a game played by men puffing away on cigars in rooms heated by roaring open fires ... it was highly flammable. The next stage in the invention of plastic as we know it, was bakelite. This was developed by Belgian chemistry teacher, Leo Baekeland, who moved to the US in 1889. He patented his invention in 1909, and was oblivious to the impact plastic was going to have in the modern world. From toys to teapots, from aeroplanes to artificial hips, from pantyhose to plates ... plastic can do it all! (Read more about John Hyatt and plastics here: http://www.plasticsindustry.org/industry/history.htm and about Baekeland here: http://www.chemheritage.org/EducationalServices/chemach/pop/lhb.html) Oxymoron of the week: appear invisible This week's Latin phrase is for anyone contemplating elective plastic surgery: Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere (If it ain't broke, don't fix it) Kind regards, Jennifer P.S. Want to donate to the upkeep of this newsletter? Here's how: 1. Pay by PayPal: https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=jennifer@write101.com OR 2. Click here to subscribe for a full year OR 3. Use your credit card on my secure order form: http://www.write101.com/fund.htm (You can also access the PayPal subscription link from this page if the link above didn't work for you. With PayPal, you can use your credit card, PayPal account or pay online using your own cheque account.) OR 4. Send a cheque (made payable to Jennifer Stewart): http://www.write101.com/fund.htm To unsubscribe from this list, send a blank email to: mailto:WritingTips-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com or go to the web site, at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WritingTips This menu will also let you change your subscription between digest and normal mode. Copyright 2005 Jennifer Stewart Individual articles copyrighted by
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