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The Write Way 6 February 2004 Velvet Feet Greetings, A couple of weeks ago, we attended a gathering where we only knew the hosts, and you know the dangers inherent in such a situation. You usually have a rough idea of what topics you should avoid at all costs when you're socialising within your own circle of friends and acquaintances ... but at times like these, you have to wing it. When we'd all settled ourselves outside under the trees with a cool drink, someone spotted a spider wandering in to see what the fuss was about, and the first reaction of the person standing closest to it was to lift her foot to step on it. But she reckoned without me! With one graceful bound, I was standing between her and her victim and making soothing comments along the lines of, "It's only a little spider ... It won't hurt you ... Get away from it, you bitch!" (No, I didn't really say that last part, even though I did feel a bit like Sigourney Weaver at the time.) My fellow guests humoured me and let me shepherd the spider on to a twig and carry it safely to the back of the garden, but then they started. (And really, I blame myself, I should have stopped, but I didn't.) The arachnophobic comments came thick and fast, to be followed by the "what-about" questions: "What about if it was a cockroach? Would you still save it?" "What about flies/mosquitoes/ants?" "What about snakes?" The answer to all the above, dear reader, is "Yes." Unequivocally. As I said, I blame myself. I didn't really have to tell the story of when our kids were toddlers and we lived in a rambling old house on 10 acres and had field mice in our house ... We'd spotted one of the little intruders in our pantry (where everything was safely stored in mouse-proof containers, I hasten to add), and I'd spent the afternoon with the kids constructing a canny mouse-trap. It consisted of a deep cardboard box with a hole cut in the middle of the top. We then covered this with a sheet of thin paper, cut just a little bigger than the hole. The kids helped me put together a nice little smorgasbord for our guest - scraps of cheese, a few breadcrumbs and some grains of wheat we pinched from the chooks. We set the box up in the pantry, arranged the food on the bottom of the box and laid out an enticing trail of tidbits leading to the hole. Then we sat in the kitchen with a supply of story books and waited. They were as quiet as, well, little mice and took it in turns to tippy-toe in to peek at the box. We eventually heard the satisfying thud as our mouse fell in; I picked up the box and we set out. If we'd had any neighbours, we would have made an interesting sight; me carrying a large cardboard box, walking across paddocks of knee-high grass followed by a four-year-old and an 18-month-old toddler whose head was at about the same level as the grass. We reached a spot that I calculated was far enough away from the house and set down the box. Then, ever-so gently, we turned it on its side, opened the lid and let the mouse out. My husband has always maintained that the mouse made it back to the house before we did, but that's just him. When I'd finished relating this poignant little tale, I was rewarded with the sort of stony silence you get in cartoons when frogs croak and crickets chirp. Bemused by this response, I did a quick check for more spiders then wandered into the kitchen to casually enquire of my hostess what was with these people?! Turns out one was a slaughter-man in the abattoir (although he also did a bit of freelance work if you wanted to murder your pet lamb), another was a pest exterminator and ... Well, you get the picture. About then I started to wonder what a nice kid like me was doing in a place like that. You see, we like to share our home with any two- four- six- and eight-legged visitors that drop in, and summer here in Brisbane is when the geckos come out to play. These are delightful little lizards that perform the most amazing, effortless manoeuvres, running up and down walls and across the ceiling on tiny padded velvet feet. The larger members of our resident group live outside and amuse us scurrying across our kitchen window every night as they lie in wait for unsuspecting moths attracted to the light. I have to admit that it is disconcerting to see the moths land and know what's lurking in the shadows, but I try not to interfere. (I can cope with the lizard-eat-moth world, it's the large-woman-stomp-on-tiny-spider world that riles me.) Geckos lay eggs (usually two), and we occasionally find the shells on our back deck, a sure sign that we then have to watch very carefully where we walk because there'll be baby geckos inside. We have three at the moment that are around 3 cm long (about an inch) - and that's including their tails! They'll occasionally sit still long enough to get a close look at them, and I'm awed by their tiny perfection - I have to put my glasses on to see them properly, but what a revelation it is. Each individual tiny toe has even tinier claws ... Truly wonderful. The little ones scurry across the lounge room ceiling at night and are much more entertaining than what's on telly; the grown-ups stay outside making their distinctive little "chuck-chuck" calls to each other, or maybe they're telling the kids to behave. What responsible gecko parent wouldn't be issuing stern warnings to the kids when they have built-in babysitters like us? You'll find a photo of a couple of geckos here (not ours, I'm afraid). One thing to be aware of when you are living with geckos is that you will have very few flies, mosquitoes or cockroaches since these lizards are voracious little hunters. Definitely no flies on you! That sentence does drag on a bit, doesn't it? (What do you mean, "what's new?" I'll ignore that comment ... ) It would be better to ditch the linking verbs (forms of the verb "to be") and just use action verbs: Geckos are voracious hunters, and when you live with them, you have very few flies, mosquitoes or cockroaches.
Subscriber Gaurav Bahal in India suggested we look at action verbs. There are times when it's OK to ramble on a bit, but if you're writing for business, you owe it to your busy readers to get to the point quickly. You can see what a difference there is when you remove the linking verbs that slow down your writing: It's a well-known fact that exercise can strengthen muscles - We know exercise strengthens muscles. She was sick at school - She vomited at school. They were late for the train - They missed the train. Oberlin College has a list of action verbs for use in resumes. This is a list of action verbs (from a Cornell University publication) to use in the field of education. If you're a poet, you should be making the most of action verbs - here's why. Another example: One thing that is often overlooked by voters is whether candidates will be able to resist the temptation to put their hands into the public purse - Voters often overlook whether candidates put their snouts in the trough ... er ... I mean, dip into the public purse. How can you tell there's an election coming on? Actually, we have three lots of elections just around the corner out here: our state election tomorrow; local council elections shortly after that and a federal election that we must have before the end of the year - and voting is compulsory in all of them! Mind you, I'd vote even if it wasn't - there's no way I'd miss the opportunity to have my say about who gets in - and who stays out! Before you tell me I've used this next story before ... I know - but it just seemed so right! A busload of politicians was
driving down a country road when, suddenly, the bus ran off the road and crashed
into a tree in an old farmer's field. This week's quiz: Some words to use about our reptilian friends carapace, ovoviviparous, aestivate, ectothermic, anuran, dewlap, oviparous, plastron, thermoregulation, viviparous 1. animals that must actively regulate their own body temperature 2. underside or bottom portion of a turtle shell 3. a frog or toad 4. reproductive method of egg laying; eggs are deposited in a nest and have a thick hard or leathery shell 5. the fleshy, sometimes extensible, throat fans on some lizards 6. hard outer covering or case of certain organisms such as arthropods and turtles 7. reproductive method of directly bearing young giving birth to young as opposed to eggs 8. the behaviour of laying dormant in the summer to avoid heat or drought 9. reproductive method of egg-bearing; eggs are retained in the body until hatching so as to appear to give birth 10.behaviour that maintains the body temperature within acceptable ranges Those of you who think that lizards, snakes and reptiles of all descriptions are pretty cool could be Herpers ... Not sure if you're one? Here's how you tell: You hear someone describing their new high-resolution 20" monitor and wonder if it's Australian or Indonesian. You answer the door holding a big fat snake and wonder why the Jehovah's Witnesses won't talk with you. Your snakes spend more time in your bathtub than you do. You purchase contacts that look like snake eyes so you fit in with your little world at home. Your arms say you're an I.V. drug user ... your python says you're dinner! You do your best to give the fellow wearing snakeskin boots your dirtiest look and start to wonder if you could get off on just manslaughter. You can speak Latin well but have never taken a formal Latin course. Your freezer contains more dead mice than ice cream. Upon seeing the Vanity Fair issue with the picture of Cindy Crawford naked, with a boa around her, a male Herper's first reaction is, "Nice looking snake, distinct markings ... must be Boa constrictor constrictor ... looks like a Surinam." You've said, "Are aquariums all right?" to a prospective landlord and you don't own a single fish. You tell people on the phone, "I can't talk now, I've got a lizard on my head!"
Last week's quiz: caveat, encomium, animadversion, proselytise, corpulent, apocryphal, coruscate, doyen, germane, flaneur 1. to induce someone to convert to one's religious faith, political party, cause - PROSELYTISE 2. appropriate or fitting; relevant - GERMANE This one comes from a Middle English word germain, meaning "having the same parents." So I guess if you have the same parents, you must fit in. 3. one who strolls about aimlessly; a lounger; a loafer - FLANEUR From the French word flāner, which means, funnily enough, "to saunter; to stroll; to lounge about." 4. an often formal expression of warm or high praise - ENCOMIUM We get this one from Latin, but it started as two Greek words, en- "in" + komos, "revel." 5. a warning or caution; also, a cautionary qualification or explanation to prevent misunderstanding - CAVEAT We pinched this straight from the Romans to whom it meant "let him beware." We still use the warning, caveat emptor "let the buyer beware." 6. fat, stout; obese - CORPULENT Another one from Latin - from the word corpulentus, "fat, stout, corpulent," which comes from corpus, "body." 7. the senior member of a body or group; one who is knowledgeable or uniquely skilled as a result of long experience in some field of endeavour - DOYEN And are you surprised? Another Latin word we've modified. Decanus, in Latin means "leader or chief of ten persons," and it comes from the Latin decem, "ten." 8. harsh criticism or disapproval - ANIMADVERSION We get this from the Latin word for "mind, spirit" animus, and the verb, advertere, "to turn toward." 9. to give off or reflect bright beams or flashes of light; to sparkle - CORUSCATE Don't you think this like it should mean something nasty? But it refers to things that sparkle, and it comes from the Latin coruscare, "to move quickly, to tremble, to flutter, to twinkle or flash." 10.of doubtful authority or authenticity; equivocal; fictitious; spurious; false - APOCRYPHAL Not Latin this time, but Greek apokruphos, meaning "hidden" (hence, spurious). Add your comments to the Map of the World. In the wake (we hope) of the MyDoom virus, I thought you'd be interested in this latest in the Barbie range of toys ... Laydees and Gennulmen, introducing ... Hacker Barbie! (LA, California) Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the "Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month. The aim of these dolls is to negate the stereotype that women are numerophobic, computer-illiterate and academically challenged. This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own PC with documentation as well as the "...For Dummies" series. The Barbie clothing includes a dirty button-up shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans. Accessories include a Casio all-purpose watch and glasses with lenses thick enough to set ants on fire. (Pocket protectors and HP calculators optional.) The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen without blinking her eyes and to go without eating or drinking for 16 hours straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of technical terms such as "What's your Internet address?" "I like TCP/IP!" "Bummer! Your kernel must have gotten trashed," "Can't you grep that file?" and "DELL's Latitude XPi CD is awesome!" "We are very excited about this product," said Ken Olsen, Marketing Executive, "and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will offset the damage incurred by the mathophobic Barbie." (A year ago, Mattel released Barbie dolls that said, "Math is hard," with a condescending companion Ken.) The Hacker Barbie's Ken is an incompetent management consultant who frequently asks Barbie for help. Aah - love it! A Little Something Extra How many times have you sat in a dentist or doctor's waiting room, leafed through old magazines, checked out the contents page, done a quick calculation and marvelled at the sheer number of articles that have to get written every day to keep these publications going? Me too. It's mind-boggling when you think how many magazines are on the market these days - but you know what this means, don't you? Right. Somebody has to write all these thousands and thousands of pieces, and that's where this week's LSE can help. Dan Case has put together the Complete Guide to Writing and Selling Magazine Articles. The book leads you through the entire process, from deciding on your subject matter to selling your work, and Dan lists six topics that readers can't get enough of - they are: * Family * Health, Disease * Money, Business * Sports, Hobbies * Sex, Human Relations * Self improvement Dan writes, "Become an expert in any of these top subjects and you will be able to write and sell with no problem. Be able to combine some of these subjects as an expert and you've given yourself a tiny edge in the race to market your articles, well into the foreseeable future." He gives a list of books that should be on every writer's desk, including Skrunk's classic Elements of Style, and provides what we all want - a formula for writing a magazine article. Every article should have the following: * a title * a lead (or hook) * a statement of theme (or a swing paragraph) * the body of the article with abundant illustrations (Not drawings or photographs but pictures made with words.) * a wrap-up or wrap around conclusion. Then there are ten additional elements that over 80% of published articles superimpose on the basic five - these are what make your article sell. Dan refers to these as the building blocks for magazine articles. This excellent guide also has a discussion on the importance of the side bar and why editors love them, plus some suggestions for what you can include. As well as this information, there are chapters on the different types of magazine articles you can write for different publications and nearly 50 pages of specific markets to approach. Read more about this excellent guide here. Word of the week: Villi (n) a minute hair-like projection, such as those in the intestines. However, a glossary for the San Diego Natural History Museum says this word also refers to: "Tiny bumps on the skin surface. In geckos, villi on the toes allow them to cling to walls and ceilings." Dictionary.com offers a botanical definition: "Fine hairs on plants, resembling the pile of velvet." See? Velvet feet! If you received this newsletter from
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copy and invite them to join our merry band - we number over 8,500 now. This week's Latin phrase is about a fish because this was was as close as I could find to geckos ... Non sum pisces. (I am not a fish.) Regards, Jennifer P.S. Want to donate to the upkeep of this newsletter? Here's how: 1. Pay by PayPal:
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