The Write Way

30 May 2003

Honourable Mentions ...

Greetings,

So, Sir Paul McCartney chatted briefly with Russian President, Vladimir Putin, last week.

Hello?

What's wrong with this picture?

Sir Paul McCartney? Sir?

The man's an entertainer, for cryin' out loud ... He sings; writes songs; strums a guitar. And makes a squillion quid for his efforts. He's not a world leader ... he doesn't have the fate of the human race in his hands ... he isn't spending every spare minute poring over a microscope looking for a cure for one of the myriad dire diseases that run rampant in society. I repeat, he sings songs.

It's a funny old world, isn't it? While I'm up on my soap box I may as well make the most of it ... To my way of thinking, you shouldn't be given an award for doing what you're paid to do. Honours should be reserved for those who go above and beyond. The business man who gets a big overseas contract and adds millions to the country's coffers is just doing his job - but if he goes out every night after work and delivers food to the homeless or spends time caring for injured animals at the local shelter or takes disabled kids horse riding, THEN he's doing something worthy of recognition. But that's just me ...

You know, there are some "interesting" (in a strange, antiquated, can-this-really-be-the-21st-century kind of way) honours and awards still floating around out there.

In case you've been lying awake at night wondering, here's how plain old Paul became Sir Paul:

"Anybody can recommend a British national for an honour, which consist of life peerages, knighthoods, appointments to the Order of the British Empire and gallantry awards.

"The honour of knighthood comes from the days of medieval chivalry, as does the method used to confer the knighthood: the accolade, or the touch of a sword by the Sovereign." 

Don't you just love the image of Her Maj daintily tapping a wrinkly old Beatle on the shoulder with a sword?

Here's another award ...

"The Order of the Bath is an order of chivalry and was founded in 1725 for service of the highest calibre. The order has a civil and military division and is awarded in the following ranks: Knight Grand Cross (GCB), Knight Commander (KCB) and Companion (CB)."

And another ...

"The Order of St Michael and St George was founded by King George III in 1818 and is awarded to British subjects who have rendered extraordinary and important services abroad or in the Commonwealth. Ranks in the Order are Knight (or Dame) Grand Cross - GCMG, Knight (or Dame) Commander - KCMG  and Companion - CMG."

I much prefer the Civil Service definitions (made famous in the Yes, Minister TV series):

CMG - Call Me God

KCMG - Kindly Call Me God

GCMG - God Calls Me God  

If your life to date has been lived without this t'riffic little show, catch up here.

There's plenty of inspiration for your writing in the field of politics and if you do have occasion to write about persons who occupy such lofty positions, you'll want to know how to address them, won't you?

My first port of call when researching this was my where-would-I-be-without-you Style Manual that was published in 1966 under the auspices of our esteemed Prime Minister of the day, one Harold Holt. Ummm ... you've heard of him, have you? 

No?

Well, poor Harold is remembered not for any world-shattering legislation, nor delightful scandals such as losing his trousers in a 5-star hotel, but for the fact that one wild and stormy December day, when the seas were rough, the winds were high and the rip tides were sweeping out to sea, he went swimming at Cheviot Beach down in Victoria and was never seen again. 

Really. 

He just vanished ... Phhht!

But his name lives on (I think I told you about this before) ... down in Melbourne they named a swimming complex after him.

Ah ... Love it.

But, where was I?

Oh yes, terms of address. 

At the top of the honorific food chain are the Royals - the reigning monarch is Your Majesty; various bibs and bobs of the immediate family are His/Her Royal Highness and ... but this will take forever. Here's a great site that lists more than any sane person would ever want to know about how to address dukes, marquesses, married daughters of marquesses (I kid you not), earls (married daughters of), viscounts (ditto married daughters), barons (likewise) and baronets here.

If you ever have to organise a bit of a Do for those with peerages (in a book or in real life), you'd better make sure you get the order of precedence right. So fear not, dear reader, if you're worrying about "Who would go first, the widow of the 4th Earl or the wife of the 5th Earl?" - there's a nifty list to solve your dilemma here.

The final word must come from Debrett's here. You'll find a guide to the history of all the awards; when, where and how to wear the gongs; how to write your name to show off your awards and more.

While we're on the subject of hereditary titles ... a thought: "The problem with the gene pool is there is no lifeguard."

Here are some great words you can slip into your next pot-boiler or thriller or letter to your local member ...

This week's quiz:

Some words with a political bent (pardon the pun!) ...

faction, tariff, constituent, populism, incumbent, pork-barrelling, referendum, cartel, coup d'etat, oligarchy

1. a formal organisation set up by a group of firms that produce and sell the same product for the purpose of exacting and sharing monopolistic rents

2. a person who is represented politically by a designated government official or officeholder, especially when the official is one that the person has voted into office

3. a quick and decisive extra-legal seizure of governmental power by a relatively small but highly organized group of political or military leaders, typically by means of the unexpected arrest or assassination of the incumbent chief executive and his principal supporters within the government

4. term for a group of people banded together to seek some self-serving or "selfish" goal through the political process

5. a current office-holder

6. any system of government in which virtually all political power is held by a very small number of wealthy but not necessarily skilled people who shape public policy primarily to benefit themselves financially, while displaying little or no concern for the broader interests of the rest of the citizens

7. any of a number of political movements that demand the redistribution of political power, economic dominance and/or cultural leadership away from what are seen as corrupt, greedy, over-centralized, urban-based oligarchies in favour of empowering "the common people"

8. a vote taken by the general public to decide an important legislative or policy issue directly (rather than having the issue decided by a representative assembly or other legislative agency)

9. a tax imposed on goods imported from outside the country that is not imposed on similar goods from within the country

10. spending public funds by legislative assemblies for projects that don't serve the interests of any large portion of the country's citizens but are nevertheless vigorously promoted by a small group of legislators because they will pump outside taxpayers' money and resources into the local districts these legislators represent

OK - I confess, there was just a teensy bit of bias in my choice of words here ... But then, you already know my opinion of pollies - of all shades.

Given my theme this week, I just had to use this old classic: 

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road, and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.

The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate.

He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians.

A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer said he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

Last week's quiz:

legatee, tithe, entail, affidavit, codicil, dowager, banns, testator, lien, ahnentafel, 

1. a written or oral statement made under oath - AFFIDAVIT

2. tabulates the ancestry of one individual by generation, in text rather than pedigree chart format - AHNENTAFEL

3. someone who inherits money or property from a person who left a will - LEGATEE

4. claim placed on property by a person who is owed money - LIEN

5. man who writes a valid will - TESTATOR

6. the tenth part of one's annual increase paid to support noblemen and clergy - TITHE

7. widow holding property or a title received from her deceased husband - DOWAGER

8. to restrict the inheritance of land to a specific group of heirs, such as an individual's sons - ENTAIL

9. public announcement of an intended marriage, generally made in church - BANNS

10.supplement or addition to a will; not intended to replace an entire will - CODICIL

It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the
local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They
were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The
politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting
more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities
for Native Americans!"

The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!" The politician was a
bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their
enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the
Reservation!"

"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.

"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native
Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya!
Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the politician was touring the Reservation, and
saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch,
and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get
closer to take a look at the cattle.

"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."

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Just so you don't think I'm totally prejudiced against our fearless leaders, here's a great line I found in my tattered old notebook that accompanies me everywhere (you never know when you're going to overhear a classic). This one was from a satirical show, but I failed to record who it referred to ... No matter - fill in the blank yourself:

"In the urinal of public office, X is the little block of lavender air freshener that sits in the bottom of the trough."

A Little Something Extra

Try this quiz of opening lines to famous novels. It's not easy, but don't worry about your score, the real benefit of the quiz is seeing what worked for the author.

1. The scent of slaughter, some believe, can linger in a place for years.
2. When Mr Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday ...
3. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth ...
4. Scarlett O'Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were.
5. The stranger came early in February one wintry day, through a biting wind and a driving snow ...
6. "The marvellous thing is that it's painless," he said. "That's how you know when it starts."
7. Last night I dreamed of Mandalay ...
8. A wide plain, where the broadening Floss hurries on between its green banks to the sea, and the loving tide rushing to meet it ...
9. Mr Jones, of the Manor Farm, had locked the hen-house for the night, but was too drunk to remember to shut the pop-holes.
10. "Tom!"

Now read the answers and the rest of Sue Kendrick's article about writing great hooks. 

Don't forget this excellent course to help you write your book.

Got a question about grammar, punctuation or any other language matter? Here's the place to go: http://pub37.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=3170114826 

I've just been to have another read of some of the great comments you've left on the Map of the World: http://pub37.bravenet.com/guestmap/view.php?usernum=3170114826 ? You can read the previous 99 messages by clicking on the List button at the top of the page. NB - check to make sure your message hasn't been replaced ... if it has, add another!

Word of the week: Metoposcopy (n) the art of judging a person’s character and fortune from his face, principally his forehead.

OK - close your eyes for a moment and picture your most memorable politician ... see all those odd bumps and lumps? What does that tell you, eh? Not a pretty sight ... sorry to do that to you ...

Tautology of the week: Thought we'd have a change from oxymorons (or oxymora if you're that way inclined) this week, so here's a wonderful example of tautology: complete stop

And the other kind of "stop" is ...?

This week's Latin phrase seemed just right ...

Honor est praemium virtutis. (Honour is the reward of virtue.) See? Not selling heaps of records ... but "virtue."

[HOH-nor EST prah-AY-mee-oom wer-TOO-tis]

Regards,

Jennifer

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