The Write Way

21 December 2001

Christmas Musings

Greetings,

Gosh - four more sleeps till Christmas Day! 

Remember how long it used to be between Christmases when you were little? 

What happened?

Why do they come around so quickly now?

Mind you, apart from the fact that another Christmas means another 365 days have passed, I always love this time of year - it's great fun.

Our plan this year is for our daughter to stay here Christmas Eve and for us all to go around to our son's place to open pressies in the morning. This is the first Christmas he and his wife have had in their house, so they're looking forward to starting some family traditions - plus we all want to watch their two kittens play with all the wrappings!

We'll have brunch there, then we'll all wander back to our place for a swim, the occasional Christmas tipple, a nice, late, traditional hot dinner - even though the Weather Bureau is predicting a scorcher of around 34 C (98 F) - maybe another swim, a snooze, another little drink ... 

And then, when the day cools down, we'll waddle out onto the verandah, switch on the fairy lights and sit and watch the world go by ... I love Christmas!

Whatever you're planning this festive season, enjoy yourself; despite all the horrors and sadness of the past year, it's still a wonderful world. 

I heard an old chap being interviewed on his 100th birthday last week - he was asked (now here's an original question) ... the secret of his longevity.

His answer: "Keep breathing."

See?

That's all there is to it - no great mystery ... just keep breathing. It beats the pants off the alternative!

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After hearing the Christmas story, and singing "Silent Night," a Sunday School Class of pre-schoolers was asked to draw what they thought the Nativity Scene might have looked like. One little boy did a good likeness of Joseph, Mary and the infant, but off to the side was a roly-poly figure. The teacher, afraid that he had somehow worked Santa Claus into the scene asked him who that was. She wasn't sure whether she was relieved or even more worried when the boy responded, ... "Oh, that's Round John Virgin."

This week's quiz:

Can you "translate" each of these into a well-known Christmas Carol?

1. To summon forth the entire assembly loyal in their belief  

2. We listen to messengers of harmonious sounds

3. Nocturnal times pan of unbroken quietness

4. Small Judean municipality, southeast of Jerusalem

5. Our auditory mechanisms perceive their voices at the zenith

6. Diminutive masculine master of skin covered cylinders

7. May blessings grant respite to ecstatic personages of male gender 

8. Venture forth and voice from a specific alpine geological formation

9. The first person nominative plural of a triumvirate of Oriental potentates

10. It occurred during the nocturnal point equidistant between crepuscular periods of non-precipitous weather  

This next story comes under the heading of Occupational Hazards:

It was the end of the school year, and a teacher  was  receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift.

 She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers."

 "That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?"

 "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

 The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

 "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.

 "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner.  The teacher held he package overhead, but it was leaking.

 She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue.

 "Is it wine?" she asked.

 "No," the boy replied, with some excitement.

 The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage.

 "Is it champagne?" she asked.

 "No," the boy replied, with more excitement.

 The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"

 With great glee, the boy replied:

 "Surprise! It's a puppy!"

Oh dear ...

Last week's quiz:

Find the words that are hidden in each of the following words - the letters must be in the same order, but don't have to be adjacent. They also must have some connection with the meaning of the original word.

e.g. from container, you can find can and tin

a chariot has car and cart

1. perambulate - amble, ramble, pram
2. arena - area
3. rotunda - round
4. knapsack - pack
5. fallacies - lies
6. departed - dead
7. neurotic - nut
8. splotch - spot
9. plagiarist - liar
10. purged - pure

If you' d like to get away over Christmas, but can't afford the time/money, then how about some cyber-travel? Visit my other site at http://www.e-travelbug.com (don't forget the hyphen) to enjoy the trip without the stress. You're also invited to send in your own tales, so take your pencil and paper with you if you do manage to get away over the holiday period.

Since I'm surrounded by felines, this made me smile:

Wrapping Presents (With a Cat) 

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present. 

2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door. 

3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe. 

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper. 

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard. 

6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc. 

7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed. 

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string. 

9. Remove present from bag. 

10. Remove cat from bag. 

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present. 

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size. 

13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight. 

14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper. 

15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of. 

16. Place present on cut-to-size paper. 

17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry. 

18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape. 

19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors. 

20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible. 

21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon. 

22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn. 

23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end. 

24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper. 

25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper. 

26. Put present in box, and tie down with string. 

27. Remove string, open box and remove cat. 

28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room. 

29. Once inside room, lock door and start to lay out packing materials. 

30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock. 

31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!) 

32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas. 

33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job. 

34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat. 

35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion. 

36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat. 

37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked. 

38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as she tries try to hide her contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present. 

39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will definitely get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.

Mondegreens of the week: A youngster from the same Sunday School class we visited above drew a Christmas scene that showed Santa, sleigh and reindeer. There were the regular eight and Rudolph plus a strange looking tenth animal. The addition looked like a cross between a reindeer and a cow with a green nose. The youngster explained that it was . . . Olive, the udder reindeer. 

The same creative youngster drew a nativity scene in Sunday school. In addition to the normal contingent of characters, there were three very tiny men wearing crowns. He explained that they were . . . wee three kings from the Orient. 

His baby Jesus was sleeping on a scale, his . . . a weigh in the manger. 

The last bit of creativity showed three robed men standing in a flower bed under a full moon. They were . . . the shepherds who watched their Phlox by night.

Yes, you can groan now ...

Word of the week: Logomachy (n) a dispute about or concerning words; an argument or debate marked by the reckless or incorrect use of words; meaningless battle of words

Beware - 'tis the season for logomachy!

A Latin phrase to describe how you feel, waking up on Christmas morning - still breathing:

Magister Mundi sum! (I am the Master of the Universe!)

Regards,

Jennifer

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