Hilarity was big on the agenda, as they "passed the whistle" to each other.   "Yours Gay!". "OK, Gay!".  "Back to you , Gay!". "Thanks, Gay".

Last week's tip reminded LaVonne of this:

"My best mnemonic for 'farther' and 'further' is:
We'll walk farther to discuss the matter further."

Help at Hand

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever come across was many (many) moons ago ... I can't remember where I read it, or even the context (too many little grey cells have called it a day, I fear), but the advice was:

"If you don't know, ask someone."

After printing Lynne's request for help last week... (" there is an access problem that I'm wondering if others have brought up with you. Specifically, I download my messages and work offline because the phone line has multiple uses. However, when I click on your e-mail, it restarts my att.net connection, and will cut into a phonecall or fax that is coming in. Is there any way to read your newsletters offline without having that happen?"), I received some great suggestions. Here's a selection (just in case you ever have the same problem):

• Lynne could print out your newsletter so she can read it offline; and bookmark your email so that when
  she needs to write to you she can just click on her favorites and email you! Hope this helps!  (Lilia)
• Re question from party who reads off line.  I use Navigator.  With that you can click File and select Save
  As.  Give it a name and the computer will give it a local habitation.  Should be able to read the saved file off line then without triggering a start of the dial up client.
  
  I just did it with this letter to check for sure.  I got the file, okay, but can't tell how it behaves off line since
  I've got a permanent hi speed connection. There is a similar function in IE.
  
  Also I think there's some way to stop the auto dial up, but I stay as far away from the intricacies of browser help files as possible. (Marty Cahill)
• If you are using Outlook Express, click on Tools, then Options while in your mailbox.  Click on the General tab, then look for the section labeled Send/Receive Messages.  In this section there is a place to instruct your computer what to do when checking mail. You need to highlight the one that says If my computer is not connected at this time Do Not Connect.  Hope this helps!  (Jody)
• It probably depends on what mailer she's using. I use Eudora Pro, and have no problem reading ALL my e-mail online. Outlook Express,however, besides its extreme vulnerability to viruses/worms, tends to do just
  what she said. (Yet another reason I won't use Outlook Express.) There are free versions of Eudora available that are ad-supported. As I recall, they also let you stay offline.So do Pegasus (always free) and Calypso (has free Lite and paid, but inexpensive, full versions.) All these mailers are downloadable, and all can handle html mail, though Calypso Lite expects you to have Microsoft Internet Explorer installed (you don't have to use it, just have it.)
  
  I THINK Netscape's mail also lets you stay off line, but I haven't used it to read html mail in a long time. 
  I hope this helps. (Carolyn Boselli)

So, thank you for your suggestions :)

If you've been subscribing for some time now, you'll recall that I have a couple of pages which shed light on some areas of Little-Known Historical and Scientific facts. Here's what is purported to be an actual question on a University of Washington chemistry mid term exam. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it
with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? 

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however wrote the following:

First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. 

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives you two possibilities: 

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls are entering Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. 

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "It would be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still haven't succeeded in having relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and therefore will not freeze.

The student received the only "A" given.

(Thanks to Tom for passing this on.)

Last week's quiz

Arrange these words in order of increasing intensity:

e.g. glance, look, stare, glare

1. sometimes, perpetually, often, repeatedly/ SOMETIMES, OFTEN, REPEATEDLY, PERPETUALLY

2. tepid, boiling, hot, warm/ TEPID, WARM, HO, BOILING

3. hurry, saunter, tear, walk/ SAUNTER, WALK, HURRY, TEAR

4.ecstasy, pleasure, delight, interest/ INTEREST, PLEASURE, DELIGHT, ECSTASY

5. dull, pitchy, dark, darkish/ DULL, DARKISH, DARK, PITCH

6. dread, fear, terror, fright/ FEAR, FRIGHT, TERROR, DREAD

7. noise, uproar, whisper, din/ WHISPER, NOISE, DIN, UPROAR

8. chilly, cold, cool, frigid/ COOL, CHILLY, COLD, FRIGID

9. quarrel, warfare, squabble, feud/ SQUABBLE, QUARREL, FEUD, WARFARE

10.mighty, strong, invincible, powerful/ STRONG, POWERFUL, MIGHTY, INVINCIBLE

Here's a story that appealed to my warped sense of humour ... (thanks to Lachlan for finding this one):

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." 

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

 "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

 "Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

 "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a pilot in Vietnam and his plane got hit. He had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty
more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't mess with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."

Oh dear ... I know I shouldn't laugh, but ...

Word of the week: Yethhounds (n) A pack of phantom hounds pursuing a lady. From old English folklore. Yeth comes from "heath."  Also called wishhounds. Wisely is it said that the English have a word for everything. How this particular one first came into existence is a mystery to the author, even allowing for the penchant of the English for specialist hunting dogs. There appears to be no equivalent term for a pack of phantom hounds pursuing a gentleman.  (Hall of Superior Words)

Tautologies of the week:  closed fist

Another all-purpose Latin phrase for this week (as always, the admonition is to use it wisely):

Ita, semel et solum tibi permissum est. (OK, just this once.)

EE-ta, SAY-mayl et SOH-loom TEE-bee per-MISS-oom est. 

NB The oo is pronounced like "cook."

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Regards,

Jennifer

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