Greetings,

Isn't it funny how little things really grate on your nerves at times? I mean, we tolerate politicians with their snouts in the trough, developers who raze our last remaining stands of native trees to build car-parks and The Bold and the Beautiful, but we start gnashing our teeth and beating our breasts over little things ... 

Such as the use of 'and' when it should be 'or.'

Take a look at these three little sentences:

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. (Mae West)

He's liked, but he's not well liked. (Arthur Miller)

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. (Groucho Marx)

The meanings are quite clear, aren't they? The conjunctions do their jobs well.

But, look what happens when you jumble these:

His mother should have thrown him away or kept the stork. (Mae West)

The meaning is now quite different; instead of a definite action - discarding the unhappy individual and keeping the stork, there's now an element of doubt.

Change the conjunction in these sentences and they become totally confusing:

He's liked, and he's not well liked. 

He's liked, or he's not well liked. 

Either he's dead but my watch has stopped. 

Either he's dead and my watch has stopped. 

And joins like events; or separates different events and but indicates an exception or condition that applies. It sounds so simple - why do so many advertisers, newsreaders, commentators and street signs get it so wrong? Aargh!

Well ... that feels better. This is (another) of my little peeves - and it's great being able to let off steam about things like this ... aah the joys of a newsletter :)

Last week's tale about the Tong Master led Rick to confirm that this behaviour isn't limited to the Antipodean male:

"The barbie story was funny and so much like the BBQ's we have here in Texas. It is a macho thing, no doubt."

Neil also had some light to shed on the subject:

"The subject short story had me laughing out loud.  
 
Long Island (as you may or may not know) is the birthplace of suburbia in
the USA.  When all the troops returned from WWII, many stayed in coastal
places like New York City, rather than return to the farms and prairies of
the American heartland.  The result of this sudden population boom was that
NYC was breaking at the seams.  Thankfully, someone got the bright idea to
expand to Long Island (mostly potato farms up until then).  Overnight, these
huge communities, with thousands of homes, starting sprouting up like
mushrooms.
 
Oh, so why am I telling you this?  Well, us (we? another lesson needed here)
Islanders, as we're called, feel that the Bar-B-Q (Americanized spelling)
actually started and became popularized in our neck of the woods.  I know
men have been cooking over fire since caves were in vogue, but I like to
think that my parents, uncles, etc. were the real suburban pioneers that
took this culinary necessity and perfected what we consider to be an art form:
The Long Island Summer Saturday Afternoon Bar-B-Q !!
 
However, I know that very strong exception to my claim would be taken by my
friends down under." 

And from Richard, 

Chuckle ... what would the Tong Master have to say about that?!

This week's quiz:

Choose a word from the list which is the synonym for each of the words below: 

 delay, stubborn, false, agreeable, wandering, near,  permissive, destitution, poisonous, nonchalant

1. apathetic

2. indulgent

3. penury

4. noxious

5. procrastinate

6. obdurate

7. nomadic

8. imminent

9. spurious

10.harmonious

Here are some more insights into the Australian way of life ...

The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.

Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.

If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.

There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.

On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.

Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.

It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.

A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped...

If you're anything like me, every week, you'll receive at least half a dozen dire warnings against a new virus, sent by well-meaning friends. Here's another for your collection and this one sounds ro-o-o-o-olly and tro-o-o-lly bad:

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.

If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

**WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN**

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you will fart next time you're making love.

Quick! Get busy! Send send send send send................

Phew!

Thanks, Sara, for letting us know about this one ;)

Regards,

Jennifer

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