Greetings,

I thought it would be very Christmassy of me (you know, spreading goodwill and all that) to give you a few pointers for writing your Christmas letter. I know (from the many I receive) that this is a time of year when the temptation is there to ... (how can I put this?) ... embroider on the year's events. 

It's a time when you just know you're going to get letters telling you about Billy Blogg's horrible brat who speaks ten languages fluently and who's just won a scholarship to university or landed a squillion dollar job with a merchant bank; about the Worthington-Ffaulkes and their year-long sojourn in Tuscany or about the new Lamborghini that the Schuster teenager bought from the proceeds of his Internet business!

It's all about one-up-manship, isn't it? How can you fight back?

Well, one way is by NOT giving in to the temptation to dazzle them with your store of Big Words. 

Take a squiz at this wonderful excerpt from the "Yes, Minister" TV show:

Humphrey said gravely, "The relationship, which I might tentatively venture to aver has not been without a degree of reciprocal utility and even perhaps occasional gratification, is approaching the point of irreversible bifurcation and, to put it briefly, is in the propinquity of its ultimate regrettable termination."

I (the Minister) asked him if he would be so kind as to summarise what he'd just said and in words of one syllable.

He nodded in sad acquiescence. "I'm on my way out," he explained.

I know none of us would ever write like that, but we're all guilty of tossing in the odd Big Word at times ... just when we want to show off a bit. Don't believe me?

How many of these terms have you used recently?

Now, I don't mean to imply that there's anything wrong with using BWs - it's just that there's a time and a place for these words - and, Boys and Girls, your Christmas letter isn't really the place.

Tell it like it is - who cares if Their kids come first in everything they do - yours are much nicer people, aren't they? Who cares if They have a shiny new boat, and a flash house - yours is filled with happiness and fun, isn't it? What does it matter that They both have high-powered jobs that take them around the world - you get to be there to see your kids grow up, and that's what it's all about, isn't it?

Sigh ... must the the Christmas spirit making me go all soppy ...

For anyone you know who is in business, what better gift is there than something that will help ease the stress throughout the coming year? The Instant Sales Letters that I've been telling you about recently are the busy-business-person's answer to a prayer (and yes, you'd also be helping me by purchasing them). There are a number of other, very useful products for businesses on this site, too. While you're there, please take a moment to browse. Click here to have a quick look now. 

If you haven't yet read The Never-Ending Story, you really should drop by and add your tuppence worth. People from all around the world have been contributing to the tale of the evil Dr Morgenes, the good (maybe) Father Wetherley, Viburnia Hedgerow and the rest ...   Just click on the Comments button at the end of the entry to add your contribution. 

This week's quiz:

Choose a word from the list to fill in the blanks in each sentence:

hyperactive, subliminal, percolate, hypertension, subversion, metabolism, subjugate, hyperventilate, subconscious, hyperbole,

1. Their efforts at ... were eventually successful in toppling the government.

2. A tall tale uses ..., such as the giant size of Gulliver, for its effect.

3. Accident-prone people may have a ... desire to draw attention to themselves.

4. The yoga instructor warned the class not to ... during their breathing exercises.

5. Caesar hoped to ... all of Britain.

6. He was prescribed medicine for his ..., and told to take it easy.

7. Some advertisers use ... messages to sell their clients' products.

8. A ... imagination can turn molehills into mountains.

9. The water began to ... through the coffee grounds, causing her to sigh with anticipation.

10.The smaller the animal is, the higher the rate of ... required to keep it alive.

If you're looking for information about some aspect of writing,  trying to find an item you recall from an earlier issue or looking for an answer to settle a language-based dispute at work or home (!) - remember to try out the Search Engine on my site. There's one on the Archives page and the Home page. 

Since we're hurtling head-long into the Silly Season, I thought you'd appreciate a few ideas on what to buy for those special people in your life. This contribution was sent to me by Sara Duvnjak and it tickled my fancy - not that I know anyone like this, mind you ...

Subject: Bifocal Barbie...

Finally a Barbie we can relate to! At long last, here are some NEW Barbie
dolls to coincide with her, and OUR, ageing gracefully.
These are a bit more realistic...
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames
in six wild colours (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions
of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn
beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with
hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers
grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,
roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too -- muumuus with
tummy-support panels are included.
 5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely
taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the
pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
 6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines
with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.
 7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really
paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for
Babs and Ken, Jr.  Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler
filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
 8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change,
and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along
with Prozac.  They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa
Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
 9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car,
and Ken's boat.
10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the
ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean
and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little
copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes,
forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken
sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes
with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting  In Touch
with Your Inner Self" is included.

And from the annals of Real Life comes the story of Australia's richest man, Kerry Packer. (Maybe Rupert is ahead in the billions stakes, but because he no longer calls Australia "home," we won't count him for the purposes of this tale.)

K. P. had a kidney removed a few years back, and last week went into hospital to have his remaining kidney replaced. Now, while others have to wait months, sometimes years, for a donated organ to become available, K. P. gave new meaning to the term BYO, and received his from his long-time helicopter pilot and good mate ... You have to admit that this provides the definitive answer about what to give the man who has everything!

Last week's quiz:

Choose the correct word from the list for the definitions below:

dissension, homophone, epitaph, diffraction, homonym, ephemeral, disseminate, homologous, dissipate, homogeneous

1. word spelled like another -HOMONYM

2. spend foolishly - DISSIPATE

3. having a consistent texture - HOMOGENEOUS

4. conflict - DISSENSION

5. evolutionarily related - HOMOLOGOUS

6. spread over a wide area - DISSEMINATE

7. word sounding like another - HOMOPHONE

8. breaking up of light or sound waves - DIFFRACTION

9. inscription on a grave - EPITAPH

10.short-lived - EPHEMERAL

Regards,

Jennifer

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